Sunday, February 23, 2014

That Awkward Moment While Watching "That Awkward Moment" and You're Like, Is This What Guys Are Really Like?

That awkward moment when you're in a relationship of some sorts with a guy, and you're not sure whether you're dating or just hooking up. This leads to the same question that girls everywhere ask their, err, guy they are hanging out with... "So, what are we?"

In the movie, "That Awkward Moment," Zac Efron calls it the so.

We've all been there. Done that. You really like a guy. You've been hanging out for a few weeks, maybe even a few months. But he's never asked you to be his girlfriend, yet you continuously hang out a few times a week. You sleep over his house all the time. You have your own toothbrush in his bathroom. You've met his friends. Possibly even his parents. Yet he just can't commit.

So, why is it so hard? Well, That Awkward moment sheds some light on the reason why.

In the movie, Zac Eron, Milles Teller and Michael B. Jordan make a vow that they remain single in order to go out every weekend, hook up and just have fun. But when you look like Zac, Miles or Michael, well, let's just say it's pretty hard to remain single for more than five minutes. The guys end up meeting girls that they develop feelings for, some of them even commit, but when their guy friends find out about it, they pretend as if they're not in a relationship, even though they really are. And when Zac Efron's love interest needs him the most, guess what, he isn't there for her and ignores her text messages.

While the movie isn't an Oscar worthy film by any means, it was real. It's what twentysomethings this day and age go through time and time again. Whether you're a girl or a guy, we've all been there.

Ladies, I suggest you go out and see this film with your girlfriends. And guys, I suggest you go see it as well. Preferably with your girlfriends, otherwise it might actually get kind of awkward.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

10 Songs To Listen To This Valentine's Day If You Want To Kill Yourself

1. Adele - "Someone Like You." This song just makes me want to lay down in my shower and slit my wrists. Then again, any Adele song makes me want to slit my wrists for being played so many times on the radio.

2. Sinead O'Conner - "Nothing Compares." Great song, but anything that's an inspiration for Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" video is enough for me.

3. Roxette - "It Must Have Been Love." I don't know what it is about this song that makes me want to start balling my eyes out, but it does. Maybe it's because I've listened to it every single time I've gone through a break up, or maybe it's because I still feel bad for Julia Roberts' hooker character in "Pretty Woman" (come on, everyone was so mean to her).

4. Sarah McLachlan - "Angel." This song makes me sad because it reminds me of when Jen died in the "Dawson's Creek" series finale. What, you never saw the finale?

5. Celine Dion - "My Heart Will Go On." If Leonardo DiCaprio dies in a movie, then what's the purpose of living?

6. A Great Big World - "Say Something." Not only is this song depressing, but it just keeps repeating the chorus over and over and over and over and over... "say something, I'm giving up on you." Oh yeah? Well I'm giving up on you by turning this shit off!

7. Evanescence - "My Immortal." Yep, if you hate the world and need a good cry, this song will do it.

8. Keane - "Somewhere Only We Know." This song makes me think of a cheesy RomCom... a cheesy RomCom that I'll probably never write. Enough said.

9. Britney Spears - "Everytime." Is it just me, or is this song kind of creepy? Maybe it's because Britney sort of commits suicide in it... or maybe it's because years later James Franco would lipsync to it in "Spring Breakers" while a bunch of chicks pranced around him in bikinis and ski masks.

10. Lindsay Lohan - "Confessions Of A Broken Heart." This song makes me feel all kinds of emotions; sad, depressed... but not because of the actual song, but because it's by Lindsay Lohan.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

10 Reasons Why My Mom Thinks I'm a Lesbian

10. I like to wear cut off, sleeveless shirts that show off my tattoos and bulging biceps.

9. I don't like to shave. What's the point? It takes a really long time and it's not like anybody is going to be feeling me up any time soon.

8. I just cut off all of my hair.

7. I once kissed a girl. But I swear, it didn't mean anything.

6. When I'm out with my girlfriends, I never talk to guys. It's not that I'm not interested, I just have no game. I also have social anxiety.

5. But it's also because I hate boys.

 4. One time, I brought my best friend as my date to my cousin's wedding. My whole family was like...

3. I never talk about boys in front of my mom. What's the point? She's only going to make me feel even worse about myself than I already do.

2. I'm 31 and I'm not married. No, there is nothing wrong with me. At least... I don't think.

1. Fine. To be completely honest, I haven't had a boyfriend in ten years and I'm fine with that. Turns out, my mom isn't.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

You're 30. You Should Be Married by Now. Right?

If there's one thing I've learned about turning 30, it's that everybody expects you to be married, and if you're not, well then there's something definitely wrong with you. Even if you have a boyfriend.

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and the one question that everybody (I mean, everybody) asks is… Is he the one? Are you going to get married? What do you mean you're not getting married? Why not?

I apologize if this offends anybody, but a year and a half isn't exactly a long enough time to be wit someone and say, "Hey, we should get married!" I know, I know. Some people are with their significant others after six months and then tie the knot. But you know where those people probably are now?


It's like Aziz Ansari said on his comedy special, "Buried Alive" -- "I’ve had sweaters for two years and been like, ‘What the fuck was I doing with this sweater? It’s so stupid looking. I can’t believe I thought about living with this sweater for the rest of my life.’”

So kids, before you lock that shit down, make sure that you can definitely see yourself with that sweater boyfriend/ girlfriend for the rest of your life.

Aziz Ansari On Why Getting Married is Creepy

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

"Don Jon" - The Anti-Rom-Com For This Generation

Long gone are the good old days of rom-coms when a prostitute would have a heart of gold (a la Pretty Woman), nowadays, we no longer want to see perfect people fawning all over each other. We want something real. Something relatable. Right?

Cue "Don Jon," Joseph Gordon Levitt's directorial debut about a guy who watches too much porn. Yes, seriously. This anti-rom-com is not only for chicks to see, but guys too! My boyfriend even went to see it with me … and liked it. A lot.

People are always talking about how Lena Dunham and "Girls" is like nothing we've ever seen, and how it's the most honest piece of work about this generation, blah, blah, blah. And don't get me wrong, it's great, but what about "Don Jon?"

In the film, Joseph Gordon Levitt's character says things like, “Every guy. Watches porn. Every day.” I'm sorry girls, but this is true. It's like, who doesn't masturbate? We've all done it, but nobody talks about it.

The movie gets better. Every single night, he goes out to the club with his friends, looking for one night stands because they're afraid to fall in love. And then when they do, and it doesn't work out because most of the time it never does, their afraid to tell their parents because, oh god, they're just going to be so annoying about it!

Sound familiar?


Now don't get me wrong. I'm a chick, and I love watching movies like "Dirty Dancing," Pretty Woman" and "When Harry Met Sally." But I like it even more when rom-coms are cliché free and the real deal. I mean, would Harry have met Sally in 2013? Probably not. Would 'baby' be standing in the corner in this day and age? Definitely. And would a prostitute have had a heart of gold? Nope, but she probably would have gotten an STD or two.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Since When Did My Life Become an Episode of 'Jersey Shore'

My fourth of July was a shit show.

Let me rephrase that. My fourth of July was like an episode of 'Jersey Shore.'

My friends and I went for a bike ride down to Venice Beach, which sounded like a great idea at the time. Since I didn't have a bike of my own, my friend let me borrow hers, which let's just say was way too big for me, even with the seat adjusted. Sure, it looked a bit scary, considering the fact that I haven't ridden a bicycle since I was about 12-years-old, but how hard could it be? You don't forget how to ride a bike, do you?

And so, we all got on the bikes and took off. But as soon as I hopped on the bike, I was like 'fuck, I'm going to fall, possibly even die.' Everybody stopped at the red light. I didn't. I couldn't. Instead, I ended up falling.

I fucked up my hand ... bad! Thankfully, I didn't break it or even sprain it, but it was pretty banged up and was bleeding incessantly. I was drunk, so who cares, right! I got back on the bike and started to follow my friends again, completely disregarding the fact that I couldn't stop or that my hand was gushing with blood.

We got to the bar and I somehow managed to stop the bike and get off of it without my friends having to ask me again, 'Do you know how to ride a bike?' We got some drinks, took some pics, posted them on Facebook, and then we were off to watch the fireworks.

But as my buzz started to wear off, I started to realize, 'shit I really hurt myself!' But once my friends took their bikes in the middle of the street with on-going traffic, since I wanted to live to see another day, I decided to stay on the sidewalk and walk with the bike instead. Soon after, my friends were gone.

Whoops, should I have told them that I wasn't following them? Oh well, I'll find them soon enough ... in the sea of thousands of people ... in a place that I don't know very well. Shit! I called my friend, who then yelled at all of the guys to go and find me. Finally, I told her that I was in front of a hotel. But, then my phone died. Awesome!

While I went missing for a short while, lots of things happened. My friend ended up getting arrested. So, that happened. And once the boys came back after not finding me and saw all of the cop cars, they were like, 'Oh my god, Jen got hit by a car!?' And then everyone was all, 'Oh my god, she did!?'

Instead, I was still waiting in front of some god damn hotel, waiting for somebody to come and find me. But apparently my friends were so frustrated, they were like, 'We'll find her later!'

As I continued to wait in front of the hotel, you know, just standing there with a bike, a couple of my friends were driving by. They were leaving to go to a club, (because who doesn't go to a club on July 4th!?), they ended up bringing me back to the group.

So much for July 4th! But hey, at least we didn't end up getting kicked out of a club, ending up in a limo with no cash, like last weekend!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

I'm Too Old to Party in Vegas

When you go to Las Vegas, you go there to party, right? You go there to stay out until at least four in the morning, because well, it's Vegas, why wouldn't you? You go there to drink as much as you possibly can, only to wake up the morning of your flight back home and wonder … what the hell happened!?

That's what you do in Vegas, but not me.

My most recent trip to Vegas was Memorial Day weekend with my two best friends and one of their boyfriends, who let's just say, are party animals. Now, don't get me wrong, I love to party and I love to drink. But when you're getting sloshed in the afternoon at a pool party, don't have time for a nap, then have dinner plans, then go to a club at 9 PM, let's just say ... that's fucking tiring!

I know what you're thinking … you're probably saying to yourself, she's too old for this shit. And yes, I am too old for this shit. I'm 31-years-old. When I was 21, sure, this was awesome. But ten years later, I'd rather be in Vegas with my boyfriend, eating a nice dinner rather than listening to the same house song for three and a half hours, falling asleep in the middle of the dance floor. (Yeah, so that happened).

Are you TOO old for Vegas? Or do you still like to party in Sin City?

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Guess What You Guys ... I Have a New Blog!

Even though I'm a writer, it's always a constant battle. And as of recently, I've been, well, confused. Am I a TV writer? A screenwriter? A playwright? A novelist? Am I even funny? Or am I just a silly blogger? That's the question I've been asking myself time and time again.

That was when I realized, I needed a new path. I needed guidance. I needed something original to write about. I'm 30-years-old, what the fuck have I been doing all these years?

But when I really thought about it, the one thing that always pops into my mind ... is my mom. My entire life, whether it was my friends, my family, my co-workers, or even my former writing teachers, everybody says the same thing -- your mom is a fucking psychopath, but she's hilarious. A recent writing teacher of mine, who wrote one of my favorite movies of all time, even told me that I should write about my mom.

So, after four semesters of college, tons of writing classes and thousands and thousands of dollars later, I have finally realized what I need to do.

Write about my mom!

So, I've started a new blog and I'm SO excited to share it with you guys! Please check out My Mom Thinks I'm a Lesbian ... and Other Things.

Being able to write about my own experiences, and being so honest, so raw, is so amazing that words cannot even describe. I hope you'll check it out.

And yes, I'll still continue to blog here at The Dating Jungle.

You're welcome :)

Saturday, April 27, 2013

The Sad Truth: Everyone Only Cares About Themselves

My whole life, I've always been a good friend. Always the first one to ditch out on plans if one of my girls breaks up with her boyfriend. Always the first in line to listen to everyone's problems. Always the one to ask, 'Hey, how are you?'

But when push comes to shove, would any of my friends do the same for me? Do my friends hang out with me now that my boyfriend's out at sea? Do my friends listen to any of my problems? Do my friends ever fucking ask, 'Hey Jen, what are you doing today?' The answer is: not really.

I don't know if it's because I live in Hollyweird, but as of lately, I've been noticing that people only give a shit about themselves, and absolutely nobody else. Not once do any of my friends ask me; How are you, Jen? What have you been up to? How is work going? How are things with your boyfriend? What did you do for your birthday?

As people get older, do they only give a shit about themselves and nobody else? Has this always been the case and I just somehow, never noticed? Or is this only because I live in Hollyweird?

Friday, April 26, 2013

31 Candles

When most people saw "Sixteen Candles," they probably thought to themselves; there is no way that Molly Ringwald's family forgot her birthday. I mean, that doesn't actually happen in real life, right? That was just a movie.

Wrong! It does happen. At least, it happens to me.

Today was my 31st birthday and while most of my Facebook friends who I barely even know wished me a happy birthday, a lot of other people who mattered the most, did not.

My family didn't wish me a happy bday. Heard nothing from any of my cousins, aunts or uncles. Sure, my family is at war right now with one another for reasons I can't even comprehend anymore, but I thought maybe, just maybe, a text message would be thrown my way. But nada.

Some of my best friends didn't even remember my birthday. I know I live 3,000 miles away from them now, but isn't that what Facebook is for? You mean to tell me they weren't on Facebook at all today?

Not to mention, I was with one of my best friend's last night who didn't mention a thing about my birthday. Not last night. Not today. Not at all.

And let's not forget the fact that my boyfriend is out at sea right now and I can't even spend the day with him.

Do people think that once you hit a certain age, it's okay to not wish someone a happy birthday? Or do the people in my life just suck?