What Was I Thinking

We've all done it. Even you. Yes, you!

We've all hooked up with, or dated that person. You know, that person who, when you look back on your life, you think to yourself, what the hell was I thinking! Unfortunately, for me, I've had one too many of those. My first What Was I Thinking! began back in high school. I had the biggest crush on this guy. Let's call him S.

Believe it or not, back then, I was unbelievably shy. I was so shy, that I could barely even talk to S. And whenever I would talk to him, it was the most awkward conversation imaginable. I guess I just never knew what to say to him, and just blurted out whatever came to mind. Sometimes I said things to him like, "Why are you wearing sunglasses?" on a sunny day. Or, "Why are you wearing a belt?" One time, I even pulled a Clueless and sent myself flowers on Valentines day just to get his attention, because I didn't know what to say to him that day. And of course, he didn't even notice.

But it wasn't until June 1999 that it happened. I asked S to my senior prom. I finally worked up the courage to actually ask him. Alright, fine. I asked online. But whatever, I still asked him! After what felt like five minutes to finally answer the question, he said "When is it?" I told him. "I don't know. I think I'm going on vacation that day. Sorry," he said. Ouch!

The next day at school felt like an episode of Gossip Girl. Everybody knew that I asked him to the prom, and that he said no. People were whispering as I walked down the hall. People were staring at me. Or, at least, that's what it felt like to me. But then a very good friend of his told me that he was indeed going on vacation. That made me feel some what better about myself. But I was still disappointed. My ex boyfriend had also asked me to the prom, but I turned him down with hopes of bringing S. And obviously, by the time he turned me down, my ex already had a date.

Cut to - prom night. I ended up taking my best guy friend and had a blast. Screw S. I didn't need him. I had a better time than I ever would have had with him anyway. It probably would have been nothing but awkward conversations and wondering if he was going to kiss me all night long.

The very next day after the prom, I was driving down the boulevard with my girlfriend and she spotted him. Wait a minute, I thought he was on vacation! A-ha! He did lie. I knew it! And for that moment, that shy girl suddenly disappeared as I drove by and rolled down the window. He was with a group of his friends, and I know that they all saw me drive by. I pulled over and asked "So, how was your vacation?" What did S do? He hid behind the telephone pole. Um, seriously? Because that'll really hide a person?

After high school, I was totally over S. He was a jerk in my book, and all of my friends hated him for what he did to me. It was just an ordinary day in college, and that was when I saw S. What!? He doesn't go here. What the hell is he doing here? Well, apparently he transferred schools. To my school. No, it's not the Felicity-esque fairy tale ending you'd hope for... he just thought it was a good school.

But oddly enough, we actually became friends. Which was party due to the fact that he was close friends with my then-boyfriend. Awkward! So, unfortunately, I was forced to hang out with him all the time. Eventually, when my ex and I broke up, me and S started hanging out a lot. Back then, a close friend of mine was trying desperately to get us together because she knew that my odd obsession was back. But due to an unfortunate turn of events, this friend was actually into him as well. Which I didn't even know about until recently! The first time around, things didn't work out with S. I guess it was just one of those things that wasn't meant to be. And never in my life did I see such terrible timing, year after year, after year! So, I gave up. But things didn't end there.

After I realized what this so-called friend of mine was up to, I filled S in on the rest. And what do you know, me and S finally got together. I know, so very 90210 of us. It only lasted a short time. But for that time, I was the happiest girl in the world. After crushing so hard on someone for so long, I can't even tell you how good it felt to finally be together.

But everything must come to an end. Things ended poorly with S. Eventually, he chose the other girl over me. And I finally called it quits with S. For a couple of years after college, I actually didn't see him for quite some time. But on one rainy day in New York City, I was at a happy hour and bumped into some old high school friends, and there he was! Of course, we didn't speak. But I still got a kick out of bumping into him. Because, well I don't know about you, but I just love bumping into ex's and showing off that everything is just grand. It drives the boys wild!

The One That Got Away

When I used to work in Manhattan, every single day on the train, there was this guy who always sat just a few seats away from me. And once we would get off the train, we would both walk the exact same direction to work. Exactly ten blocks after Penn Station, he would go right, and I would go left. This was our daily routine for about a month.

But it was one fateful day, that we both literally walked the entire 10 block radius, right next to each other, all the way to Penn Station. Once we finally got on the train, it was inevitable that we would start talking. "Hey, I see you on the train everyday," said the guy. And that was that. From there on out, we were inseparable for a couple of months, and shared a whole lot of other strange similarities. We not only worked one block away from each other in New York City (where eight million people live and work), but we also lived extremely close to each other in Long Island as well (he was just one stop after me on the train). He was an artist (so am I), he too lived at home and his grandmother just moved into the house (just like me), he was Ukranian (as am I), and - get this - he lived on the same street that I did! Just a couple of towns away. It was like a romantic comedy taking place on the Long Island Railroad.

I really, really liked this guy. So, of course, I wanted him to meet all of my friends. It was the night of his birthday party. He shared his birthday with a couple of his buddies, so they had a huge celebration. Heck, they even closed an entire floor of a bar in New York City! So, being the cool chick that I am, I invited all of my girlfriends, thinking it would keep me busy, keep me away from clinging onto him, and let him have his space to enjoy his party. Right?

Wrong! He was annoyed. So annoyed, that kept saying things like “Where have you been all night,” and “Well, if you didn’t bring your entourage with you...” etc. Here, I thought I was being an awesome girlfriend and giving him his "Space" but clearly, I was wrong. I was dancing with my girlfriends, when all of a sudden, one of my friends covered her mouth. “Uh, Jen, I think you should turn around,” she said. And I saw by the look on her face, I was going to be single... very, very soon.

There he was. My guy. Making out with some other chick! Our eyes met. And then continued to kiss her! What!!!!????

I was humiliated. Speechless! Every single one of my girlfriends were there to meet my new guy, and THIS happens! I even had one of my best friends there with me. My friend since I was about five years old. I had to pathetically turn to her and say "Please, don't tell your mom. Because then, she's going to tell my mom."

But at that point, I was so angry, so annoyed, so embarrassed, so... ugh! That instead of leaving all together, I just continued dancing. I know... it probably sounds like a Seinfeld episode, but I really did have a good time. I guess I realized what a piece of crap he was. And it was such a shame, too. We were so good together. All of his friends loved me. And when I told them what he did, they just said he was an idiot and I'd get over it. As I was about to leave he stopped me and asked what was the matter. I didn’t answer. I just left.

Days went by and I didn’t hear from him. The nerve of this guy. HE makes out with someone else right in front of my face, and then doesn't even have the decency to at least call! Finally, I did what I had to do. I deleted him from Facebook. A day later he texted me and asked why I deleted him. As if he didn't know! I told him why I was angry and he responded, “I did that? I don’t remember!” He claims he was wasted and really had no idea of what happened that night.

For days, he called, texted, emailed me that he was sorry. He stalked me on AIM trying to see me. But I just wouldn't have it. It was over. Oddly enough, I never saw him on the train again. Maybe he started taking a different train. Or maybe it just really wasn't meant to be. But sometimes I think about him and wonder what would have happened, if he didn't act like an idiot that night.

Why is it that every guy I date or have a relationship with always ask the same old question... "Why haven't you blogged about me yet?"

To be honest, I thought that I was doing them a favor by not revealing every little detail about our relationship. Because, well, quite frankly, they probably sucked! But now that I'm in Hollyweird, I seem to be getting asked the question a whole lot more. Probably because everybody here is a fame whore, and think that by me writing about them will give them some sort of opportunity if I was to ever write a book, TV show or movie.

So to answer the question... FINE! I will blog about you. All of you!!

Stay tuned. It's going to be juicy!

Later that night, I got to thinking about men, and women and relationships. Or more to the point, how women feel men disappoint them in relationships. Then a radical, almost earth-shattering thought popped into my head. What if everything isn’t the man’s fault? After a certain age, and a certain number of relationships; if it still isn’t working and the ex’s seem to be moving on and we don’t, perhaps the problem isn’t the last boyfriend, or the one before him, or even the one before him! Could it be, that the problem isn’t them, but horror of horrors - is it us? - Carrie, Sex and the City

I Just Haven't Met You Yet

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid, That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet -
Michael Buble

Sitting on the plane, on my way back to LA, I was listening to Michael Buble's new song I Just Haven't Met You Yet on my ipod as I daydreamed about my prince charming and who he might be. I took my earphones out. "Hey, random, but remember when we were little, and we used to talk about what kind of wedding we wanted?" I said, as I had my head tilted a little bit towards the window on the airplane, gazing outside into the sunny sky. "My ear hurts! Why does my ear hurt so much? Ahhh, I'm in so much pain!" said my girlfriend, tugging on her ear. "Did you hear anything I just said?" "Yeah, who cares? We're not getting married, so what's the difference" she replied. "Well, we will eventually... right?" And then my girlfriend sarcastically replied "Uh huh."

For as long as I can remember, I've always known what type of guy I wanted to date. Somebody who...

is smart and down to earth

is passionate and has goals in life

has hobbies and friends and not the "Girlfriend Guy"

wears his heart on his sleeve, even if he acts like a hard ass sometimes

is as silly as me and can laugh about life, but also know when to be serious

is off beat, eccentric, quirky and possibly even a weirdo

is spontaneous, because I love not knowing what's going to happen next

is well rounded in the arts and doesn't think that going to a play is gay

likes to travel, and thinks that the world is too small to live in just one place your entire life

is creative and thoughtful enough to make me a present instead of buying me something like, just a watch

is able to put up with my mother eventually, because, well, we all know what that's like

and most importantly, somebody who can make me laugh

So for now, I'll just sit and wonder where you are, and if you even exist. And if you do, then I guess I just haven't met you yet. Yes, that's what I'll keep telling myself ;)

Singled Out

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Happy New Year!” everybody shouted, as pretty much the entire bar started making out with one another. Most of them were couples, or at least dating. I guess? And others just grabbed pretty much anybody at midnight just to have someone to kiss. And then there was me. Lonely, little old me, sitting on a bar stool blowing my noise maker in the air, playing with that little straw in my drink.

“So… do you watch Heroes?” I said to the geeky foreign guy sitting next to me, wearing suspenders with those thick black rimmed glasses that the Saved By The Bell nerds used to wear (since when did those become cool again?). “I like-a your tattoo. Vant to kiss-a me?” said the geek. “I’m from Brazeeeaal and don’t speak-a English.” “Really? Well, you’re speaking it right now” I said, as we both just sat there for a moment. Ugh. So, I got up and walked over to my friends. “Happy New Year! Ahhhhhh!” we all screamed, as we all hugged one another in a big circle full of hugs.

All in all, my New Years was a blast (although, the very next day wasn’t such a blast). But even though I spent it with great friends, I still can’t help but feel lonely. Why, oh why do I always feel lonely on New Years?

Ever since I’ve returned to New York for the holidays, I’ve come to realize that most of my friends are either a) in relationships b) engaged or c) moved in with their significant others. And to top it all off, even all of my guy friends are taken. Yes, even the one of the group that we swore would never get married because he’s a crazy man-whore. Yep, even him.

So what does this all mean! I guess it means that I’m destined to become the old woman who lived in her shoes, because now even my backups are on the road to being hitched.

2009, Good Riddance!

Is it just me, or has this year totally sucked? The economy collapsed, lots of people lost their jobs, and way, way too people have died.

Unfortunately, this year the new Hollywood trend seemed to be dying. All in one year, we lost all the greats - Michael Jackson, Patrick Swayze, Ted Kennedy, Bea Arthur, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, DJ AM, Brittany Murphy, Natasha Richardson, Les Paul, John Travolta's son Jett, Walter Cronkite, and John Hughes. And for me, personally, I lost my aunt when she unexpectedly passed away from pneumonia, and I recently had to put my dog to sleep after seventeen amazing years.

But on to better news, I moved across the country to land a job at one of my favorite TV shows of all time. I also finished a spec for Curb Your Enthusiasm, which was a semi-finalist for Scriptapalooza but rejected from every other fellowship (including a rejection letter appropriately titled "Walt Disney's Rejection Letter"), finished a second draft of my sitcom pilot, became a playwright, worked out a couple of solid ideas along with my writing partner, Ellen (not DeGeneres), and also started blogging for askmattandtamsen.com

So, my new years resolution? Just keep on writing. To everybody out there who has a dream - don't just sit there. Things don't just "Happen" to you. You have to go out there and make your own dreams come true. Life works is crazy messed up ways. You never know when your luck will strike - good or bad.

So cheers to a new year! And please, nobody die, ok?

Christmas in New York

There's nothing like being in New York on Christmas. And if you're lucky enough to call New York home, then you know what I'm talking about. I want to wish everyone a very happy holiday!

xoxo,
The Dating Jungle

One Year Later...

It was only 8:07am as I ran around the studio, frantically trying to gather all of my research for my segment for the live show. I only had about an hour, so I knew that I had to haul ass. But today was no different. It was just your ordinary day at a TV Talk Show, right before show time. I was on the computer in the production office when one of the supervising producers came in to tell me that the executive producer wanted to see me... in his office. Gulp!

OK - This could mean either one of two things: I'm either getting promoted or I'm getting fired. Since I just got promoted, then most likely I'm getting fired. Wait, what? I can't get fired. There's no way in hell I would get fired. Everybody loves me here!

And so I ran across the street to the offices. My mind was racing as I maneuvered my way through traffic on a very busy New York City street. When I finally got to the office there was a couple of people sitting at a long table. I sat down, and nobody looked happy. And that was when they told me those few little words that nobody ever wants to hear. I was laid off.

Seriously?

Yes, seriously. Last year on this day, to be exact. After I was let go, I went back to my office, slammed the door and just cried. This is what I get for working fifteen hour days, five days a week and never, ever complaining? This is what I get for doing other people's work and not even taking any credit for it? This is what I get for almost getting hit by cars multiple times from doing runs, getting carpel tunnel from stapling scripts, and feeling as if my ass is about to explode from being stressed all the time? This is what I get for being my bosses common sense?

"Hey Jen, can you turn on my TV and make it look like I'm in my office?"

"I'm running out for a while, so can you write our segment? Thanks. Oh, and if people ask where I am, just say I'm in the bathroom."

"Oh really, you want to be a writer? Why don't you write my segment for me? It'll just be our little secret."

"I'm still drunk from thirsty thursday, can you start my script for me?"

OK, I know that I was laid off and not fired, but of course you can't help but wonder, why me? A couple of minutes later, my team and everyone else in the studio was wondering where I was and why I never came back to rehearse my segment. So as soon as I started telling people, we all just started to cry.

Soon after, we came to realize that it wasn't only me, there was many others who were let go as well. It was miserable. Awful. People were crying because they lost there jobs. People were crying because they lost not only their co-workers, but their friends. And people were crying because they probably thought that they were the next to go, but pretending to cry for others so that they don't look like idiots.

I was absolutely devastated. Is this really it? The last four years of my life were completely over, just like that? I mean, my co-workers were practically my family. I started as the receptionist and worked my way up to associate producer in a very short time. I grew up at this place. This was my life.

But that' the nature of the business. It's television. You come, you go, and usually nobody really seems to care. But this environment was different. I've met some of my best friends at this place. And I was lucky enough that this was the first job that I ever had.

Packing up my office was probably one of the hardest things I had to do. People came in and out giving their condolences, telling me how they are going to find me another job, etc. But it was one person who made the biggest impact. "I know that this is terrible. You're probably thinking that this is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. But six months from now, maybe even one year from now, you're going to look back, and this is all going to be a blessing in disguise. You're going to be thankful that this happened!"

At the time, I wanted her to shut the hell up. But she was absolutely right. And six months later, who knew that we would be at one of my best friend's apartment, making a farewell toast before I moved out to Los Angeles to pursue what it is that I'm really after, to be a TV writer. I told her how powerful those words meant to me. I thought about those words almost everyday after I lost my job. Because deep down inside, I knew that all of this happened for a reason.

So as I sit on the airplane coming home for the holidays from LA to NYC, I can't help but get a little teary eyed. Because exactly one year later, there's no where else I'd rather be.

Only The Good Die Young

I awoke Sunday morning to hear the incredibly sad news that actress Brittany Murphy had suddenly passed away at only 32 years old. And I can't help but feel as if one of my old high school friends had died. I grew up on Brittany Murphy movies (Clueless) and TV shows (she guest starred on Sister, Sister and Blossom). She was an amazing talent, brilliant with comedy, and had a great singing voice as well.

She will be missed. Hollywood has lost way too many people this year.

You and Me Could Write a Bad (Fake) Romance

Everybody loves a good love story. And everybody wants their own love story to to be as magical as only a movie would call for. We’ve been brought up to believe we will meet our soul mate and live happily ever after. We are brainwashed into unrealistic expectations and then we suffer the consequences when our lives don’t live up to the myth. Whether it's being best friends and falling in love, meeting on the train, or bumping into each other by complete accident in a park, everyone desperately wants fate to run it's course to find their one and only. Including me.

Almost about a year ago, I met this guy on the internet. I know, I know. You're probably laughing at me thinking that I'm a loser. No, I don't meet people from the internet very often. I actually don't meet people from the internet at all. Not once. Not ever. I'm not on JDate, Match or EHarmony. I make fun of my friends who are on it. (Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just get creeped out very easily). I met this guy on the internet simply from the good ol' blogosphere. And who knew that months later, we would still be good friends.


I've suddenly found myself glued to my computer, staying up until the wee hours of the night chatting with him. And I truly enjoyed every word that he had to say. He seemed so real. So genuine. So honest. And unlike any other guy I've known in a long time, he seemed... nice! We've never spoken on the phone, never talked face to face via Skype, and obviously, never met in person. I never really pushed the issue. Because maybe, I enjoyed daydreaming about my fairy tale romance that was purely in my head. And I truly believed that if we were meant to be, we would meet somewhere. Somewhere unexpected...

A couple of weeks ago my best friend and I were at a party when we spotted this guy who looked incredibly familiar. But since we live in Hollywood, we figured we've seen him in movies or on TV before, and thought that we would just google him when we got home. But the entire night, I was haunted. He seemed strangely familiar to me and I couldn't figure out why.

Later on that night, him and my best friend seemed to have hit it off and the very next day they were Facebook friends. When she looked through his photos, she started screaming. I mean, like, a horror movie scream. I went into her room to see what was the matter, and there it was... the evidence! We did indeed know this guy. Well, I knew him. I knew him very, very well. Not from a movie. Not from a television show. But I did recognize that photo. It was blogger guys photo!

Cue: creepy music.
Wait a minute. Hold on. Rewind!
Is this guy that my friend met actually blogger guy? Or has blogger guy stolen some stranger's pretty picture?

I felt sick, humored, humiliated. Who is blogger guy? Who have I been talking to almost every day for the past year!? That is the million dollar question that I've been asking myself over and over. "Who is this hottie leaving you comments and blowing up your Facebook wall?" Friends and family alike would ask. "Oh, he's just blogger guy" I would respond, almost ashamed of my self as to even having such a friendship.

So, back to the situation (no jersey shore pun intended) - my friend called the party guy up and explained everything. And I wasn't a bit surprised. No, this guy isn't a writer. Nor is he a blogger. Apparently blogger guy isn't really who he says he is and has stolen this stranger's photo to presume his identity as prince charming in disguise as a twenty year old blogger!

I don't know if I should be scared, upset or just simply amused. This is the reason why I'm a writer. In my wildest dreams, I wouldn't have even been able to come with an ending like this! People meet strangers on the internet all the time, why would something like this happen to me? What are the chances of this happening?

My friend is now very good friends with party guy so I know it's not some kind of evil joke/conspiracy theory. But I still don't know who blogger guy really is. And I may not ever know. So for now, I have to come to the conclusion that my fairy tale of the twenty first century didn't end happily ever after.

Le sigh.