You Just Don't Fit In!

When I was a little girl, I used to wish that I was adopted. I used to wish that my real family would come and rescue me from the crazy one that I lived with. And they would be normal. I swore that I wasn't related to them. How could I be? I was absolutely nothing like any of them. They were all crazy and I was normal. Sadly, that didn't happen. And no, I'm not adopted.

G'dammit!

Cut To: Elementary School. Having an overbearing Jewish mother, you could only imagine what growing up was like for me. I wasn't allowed to play in the park, go to any of my classmates birthday parties, or have play dates. No reason, really. She probably just thought that either I'd get kidnapped or somehow contract a deadly disease and die. And if I disappeared out of her sight, even for just a second, she would yell "Jennnnnay!" Loud enough so that all five boroughs would hear.

Cut To: Middle School/ High School. Growing up, I was socially awkward. You know, the weirdo, uncool chick who did well in school and liked to write, draw and paint. The one who didn't go to a party on a Friday night because of an art project, paper, or.. well just because. The one who obsessed over a guy who payed no attention to her what-so-ever, and even sent herself flowers in class on Valentine's day to make him jealous. Was he? No. He probably didn't even notice.

Cut To: College. One word - Lawn Guyland. Yes, going to college in Lawn Guyland didn't really help me in any way. I had A friend. I had A boyfriend for a year and then he cheated on me and dumped me. And every guy I had a crush after that on was the scruffy looking/ writer type/ film geek who wore thick black rimmed glasses. You know, the ones who your girlfriends deem as "Weirdos!" because they're actually smart. Well, at least the Lawn Guyland girls.

Cut To: Post College. Working on a morning talk show was something I've always dreamed of doing, and thankfully, I was more than blessed to have done so for four full years right after college, as I moved up the corporate ladder rather quickly. Finally, I was surrounded by people who were just like me. People who had dreams. People who were creative geniuses. People who watched TV/ read gossip magazines just as much as I do. But of course, I still didn't really fit in. Everybody had their own little clicks, and most of the time, I always felt left out. There was always a birthday party I wasn't invited to because someone forgot to send me the evite, or wasn't included in happy hour because someone said that they had sent me an email that I never received, etc.

Cut To: NOW!

As a New Yorker at heart who dared to move to Los Angeles, I can't help but feel as even more of an outcast. If that's at all possible. Yes, I'm a writer. And yes, I aspire to become the next best thing since Tina Fey, just like most people out here. But I'm still incredibly humble about it. I don't attend parties shoving business cards down people's throats and boasting about how great I am. Nor do I become friends with people just because I think that they could possibly help me with my career.

And then, oh yes, there's more..

I was just offered to turn my blog into a NYC theater play through the fabulous theater group Effable Arts. (I know, pretty crazy, huh?) But ironically, after dreaming about something like this to happen ever since I could remember, of course it happens just as soon as I move across the country. And yet again, I'm the odd ball out since I can't be in New York to participate in basically anything and most likely won't even be able to see the actual play.

As Martha Stewart used to say on The Apprentice.. "You Just Don't Fit In."

Oh well. Hopefully I will.. someday.

One of the Guys

If there’s one show on TV that would describe my friends, I would have to say It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Yes, we are a bunch of drunk annoying idiots. And yes, I’m usually the only chick amongst the boys. Not that I’m really a tomboy or anything, but for some reason, most of my friends are dudes. I just get along with them better. You don’t have any of the petty drama. You don’t have any of the bitchiness. There’s none of that “What are you wearing tonight” so that I look better than you, crap.

But the one thing that really gets to me is, why do people always assume that if you’re friends with the opposite sex, it either means you’ve dated, hooked up, or have had a crush on one another. And why is it that just because you take a picture with a guy, it means that you two are dating?

That’s not always the truth. I have plenty of guy friends that I’ve never had a thing for. That’s why they are my friends, and not my boyfriends!

Think, Believe, Dream, and Dare

The Little Boy Asks the Meaning of Life
By: Author Unknown

An eight-year-old boy approached an old man in front of a wishing well, looked up into his eyes, and asked: "I understand you're a very wise man. I'd like to know the secret of life." The old man looked down at the youngster and replied: "I've thought a lot in my lifetime, and the secret can be summed up in four words. The first is think. Think about the values you wish to live your life by. The second is believe. Believe in yourself based on the thinking you've done about the values you're going to live your life by. The third is dream. Dream about the things that can be, based on your belief in yourself and the values you're going to live by. The last is dare. Dare to make your dreams become reality, based on your belief in yourself and your values."

And with that, Walter E. Disney said to the little boy, "Think, Believe, Dream, and Dare."

The Hills Vs. The City

How come whenever I’m in The Hills I want to be in The City but whenever I’m in The City I want to be in The Hills? It may be a case of “the grass is always greener” but it’s true. I make sure to go to New York three times a year but it’s not enough to keep me satisfied. Why can’t I feel the rain on my skin and be on top of the world? I want to be with my friends and family, go to The Hamptons on the weekends and date tanned Oompa Loompas named Freddie Fackelmayer! Ok, so I might live 20 minutes from the beach, be surrounded by more than enough insufferable fake-and-bake douches and finally have my two best friends living here but well, I need something to complain about! LA isn’t that bad. I enjoy my life out here and as much as I love New York, I’m not sure I’d want the rug pulled from beneath me just yet. All I’m trying to say is I need to find a way to get home more often. Maybe Kelly Cutrone is hiring?

Just a snippet from my besty and writing partner from LA, Ellen Houlihan. Check out her blog. I promise you'll love it!!

Rebel Without a Tweet

Am I the only one who still hates Twitter?

I just don't understand why everybody needs to know what you are doing all the time. If I really want to know what you are doing, I'll either call/ text/ Facebook/ email/ or just show up at your front door.

Happy Halloween

For somebody like Lady Gaga, everyday is Halloween. But for most of us, Halloween only comes once a year (although I like to make it a week long celebration). Today I had the pleasure of attending The Ellen DeGeneres Halloween show, dressed as my favorite lady, Gaga! So make sure to tune in tomorrow to see me dance!

Life Imitates Art

It was only four years ago that I was sitting in a classroom at New York University, taking a sitcom writing workshop. Yes, I've been a writer my whole life. It was my escape from the insane world that I lived in, into my world of fiction. Growing up, I used to write poetry, short stories, and it was me who aced every term paper I ever had.

But then suddenly, after college, I had an epiphany, and it was almost as if that little light bulb went on inside my head, and everything came to a screeching halt - my family is as nutty as the clan on Arrested Development (if not nuttier), my friends as funny as the real Friends (if not funnier), and my relationships far worse than any Sex And The City episode (if not more dysfunctional) - and then it hit me - I should be a sitcom writer. After four years of college and thousands of dollars later, why haven't I ever thought of this before?

While interning part time at ABC right after college, I knew that I had to do something. I had a passion. I had a dream. And so I took countless sitcom writing workshops at New York University. I even took a "Writing for Saturday Live Class." Yes, there is such a thing, and yes, it was pretty cool.

So I, of course, based every single character on my real life friends and family. And when my classmates loved my work as we laughed uproariously doing table reads in class, and I realized that I could really be on to something here. It makes me think that maybe, just maybe, this could actually happen for me one day. And if it does, who in the world would play my crazy family and friends? After thinking it over, and over, and over, here's my list of A-listers who have made MY list, should my life become a sitcom or movie...


My heartbreakingly hilarious grandma would be played by Estelle Hariss, best known as George Costanza's mother on Seinfeld




My father who never says a word would be played by the ever so handsome Peter Gallagher





My overbearing Jewish mother would be played by one of my all time favorite comedienne's, Curb Your Enthusiasm's loud mouth Susie Essman





And now my two best friends - the socialite of the club scene, also known as the queen bee, would be played by the beautiful Kristin Bell





And the clueless one who never comes out of the house, the one who is always sick or just thinks she is, would be played by the very funny and one of my favorites, Anna Faris





My best guy friend, who is ridiculously funny and does things that most likely wouldn't even be allowed on television, would be played by the brilliant Jason Segel






And the part of yours truly, me, would be played by the beautiful and charming Anne Hathaway.









Who would U pick to play the parts of the people in your life, if it were to come to the big screen?

Oh, mother...

If you're Jewish, then you should know that your mother calls you multiple times a day just to make sure that you're eating, breathing, and that you haven't gotten killed somewhere in between eating and breathing. For me, obviously I've dealt with this my entire life. And now that I've moved across the country, things have gone to a whole new level, and my mother, well, let's just say she's pretty much certifiably insane (not that she wasn't before).

Even while I'm working, you would think that my mother would know that one shouldn't be allowed personal phone calls, at least once every hour. Especially when you're on set, you can't just pick up the phone and chit chat. But she just doesn't get it. She calls, texts, emails things like..

"Where are you?"

"What are you doing?"

"Have you eaten?"

And, "are you wearing a sweater?"

Check out this video. Because it would make our Jewish lives a whole lot easier!

Maybe He's Just Not That Into Me

For the first time in my life I wasn't worried about boys. I came to Hollyweird for me. And having any sort of relationship of any kind was the last thing on the agenda.

So, of course, only a couple of weeks after moving out here, I met a boy. We met at a bar and ended up chatting away for the entire night. But before I was about to leave, I did something I almost always never do. I asked him for his phone number. I'm in a new city, so why not try something new. What's the worst that could happen?

At the time, I didn't think anything would even come about of the situation. Why would it? I'm a jaded New Yorker and when it comes to relationships, they usually tend to end in some kind of disastrous situation.

But then, a strange turn of events took place - the guy called and we had a date! First it was a lunch date. Then, a dinner date. A movie date. And pretty soon after that, I guess you could say we were dating. Kind of. Sort of? It was one of those situations where you really didn't know what was going on, but you sure did spend a lot of time together. At least for the entire summer.

A couple of months later, I realized that I didn't even know this guy at all. We never, ever got into serious conversations. There was never any witty date banter. And whenever I asked him questions about himself, he never, ever asked well what about you? He never seemed interested in anything that I was doing. Or anything about me, for that matter.

But yet whenever he hung out with my girlfriends and I, or just them for that matter (Yeah. We'll get into that in another post), he seemed to have plenty to talk about. I couldn't help but wonder, is it me - am I not entertaining enough? What's happened to that smart, spunky, funny girl from New York. Has la la land gotten to me already?

No, it hasn't. I just finally realized something. Maybe he's just not that into me. Why haven't I ever noticed it before!?

Job Seeking Advice

I read the other day in the paper that a lot of people lie on their resumes. I"m not surprised. I say if you're gonna lie, the resume is the best place to do it. I exaggerated a little on mine. How do you think I got this job? Hey, ambassador could mean many things. If you're going to lie on a resume you may as well make it a doozie. Why mess around with small stuff? Tell them you were in the secret service. If they ask any questions, all you have to say is, it's a secret. If they insist, just say, I"ll tell you, but then "I"ll have to kill you."

Actually, the easiest thing to do is to just use someone else's resume. Including their name. You'll have to change the phone number so the person doing the hiring calls you, and not the person whose resume you swiped. Of course, make sure that the resume you steal doesn't belong to the person that's hiring you. "Hey, we both have the same name." "What do you know? We both have the same career goals and special skills including synchronized swimming and stage combat." "Hey, this is my resume!" I will never make that mistake again. ~Ellen DeGeneres

Cougar Town

Apparently in Hollyweird, I'm considered what they call, old. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking. She's not old!? And you're right, I'm not. But 27 in Hollywood years is probably somewhere around 37. So yeah, I'm old. And every guy I've met here so far hasn't been a day over 25.

My roommie and I met these cute guys the other night, and when we asked how old they were, they said 21. And then when we googled them, we found out that they were actually 18!

I better find me an old man soon, or else I'm going to end up like Stifler's mom!