Because She Said So...

Over the summer I went on a couple of dates with this guy. It was only our second time hanging out, we were going to the movies, so my date came to pick me up. I really wanted to avoid all of the awkwardness and make a mad dash for the car as he approached my house. But of course he wanted to come inside... Aw crap!

[For those of you who don't know, I still live at home with my parents in our basement apartment. My mom will do whatever she can do keep me there for as long as she can. She bribes me by buying me whatever I want. Usually it works].

So being the sneaky one that I am, I made him come around the back way through the basement entrance. The minute he stepped in the room, my phone rang. Who could it be? Good old crazy mother, yelling at me to bring my date upstairs so that she could meet him. Come on now, what is this... 1986? First of all, it was only our second date. I don't think that she had the right to meet him just yet. Secondly, who does that anymore? And third, how did she know he was even in the house? I guess it was that "motherly psychic ability." You know, they always know what you're doing, before you even do it. Or ... maybe it's just my mom.

Anyways, my mother kept calling repeatedly as she desperately wanted to meet him. Every time we tried having a conversation, I lost my train of though because I got distracted by the phone ringing.

Guy: Wow, you have a really nice room! You must have spent so much money on decorating it. Everything is so nice.
Me: Yeah. No... my mom bought everything so that she can keep me here for a while.
Guy: Oh.
[PHONE RINGS. I PICK UP]
Me: Hello?
Mother Dearest: Jenny! Is that boy down there?
Me: What? No!
Mother Dearest: Yes he is! I expect you to bring him upstairs now!
[HANGS UP THE PHONE]
Guy: Who was that?
Me: Oh, nothing. It was the wrong number.

5 minutes later...
[PHONE RINGS]
Me: Hello?
Mother Dearest: Jenny! What's taking so long, huh? You better bring him up here before you leave, OK?
[HANGS UP THE PHONE]
Me: Oh my gosh, it was the wrong number again!
Guy: Were they yelling at you?
Me: Silly people. So, um, what were we talking about?

2 minutes later...
[PHONE RINGS]
Mother Dearest: So, are you bringing him upstairs!!??
[HANGS UP]
Me: You want to get out of here now?
Guy: Yeah. And you should really look into those prank calls. So weird.

I was humiliated! As my date and I tried to sneak out, my mother dashed outside and attacked him! OK, well not really, I'm totally exaggerating. But seriously, she ran outside in her nightgown, stumbled outside and said "Hey! I'm Jenny's mom!" She then asked him his first name, last name, occupation, social security number, and a bunch of other pointless questions. After that, our relationship didn't last for very long.