"So, are you married yet?" asked an older woman who appeared to be in her mid 60's. A long lost relative that I've never seen or heard about before. From what I knew, which was absolutely nothing about her, she was a complete stranger. "No," I happily replied. "Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked. "Uh, nope. No boyfriend either." "Oh" said the woman, as her voice suddenly grew deep with disappointment and confusion. "Well, that's alright. I guess, things are different these days. Let's keep in touch, dear. It's a shame that the family only sees one another at funerals. Hopefully next time will be your wedding!" she exclaimed, as she grabbed me and gave me a big hug and then walked away.
Yes - I'm twenty seven years old. And no, I do not have a boyfriend. Which means most likely, I'm not getting married anytime in the near distant future.
There’s a group on Facebook I recently joined titled, ‘All my friends are getting married. I’m just getting drunk.’ In my high school graduating class of 2000, and my college graduating class of 2004, Facebook tells me a size-able percentage of these kids are in long term relationships, are married (or will be soon), and have kids (or will be having them). I seriously question whether this is a matter of their being more grown-up than me, or whether I’m complacent in just being perpetually single as the old woman who will literally live in her shoes. (And damn nice ones, might I add).
So while many of my friends out there are getting married - because you know it's always the ones who are least likely to get married, who end up getting married first. There are a few other adventures I want to have before I start on the "Big One." Even if it means that I’m that token friend at weddings - you know, the drunk one with the Peter Pan Complex sitting at the kiddie table.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the people who marry young are going to get divorced. Or are idiots. But I do think it's just a factor of when you meet the right person. Some people meet them very young. And some meet them later in life. There's nothing wrong with either one. But just make sure they are "The one" and not "The next one."
For me, I’m content with dating around until I find “The one.” Not “The next one.” So, while most of my friends are getting married, I’ll be getting drunk. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
14 comments:
Oh man, I hear ya. At 25, from a small town, I'm definitely considered an old maid. Most kids in my high school got married right after graduation, and are working on kid #3. I am now happily in a long term relationship, but it's still relatively new (under a year) and so we're not in that soon to be married club just yet. Sometimes I envy the married people, but mostly I'm just happy that I've had the experiences I've had, that helped me realize that my guy is the one. Had I married my high school sweetheart I'd be knee deep in divorce papers by now!
From personal experience, I think it's just stupid to be sad because one doesn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend. I used to be one of those people and wasted a lot of time thinking about how much I wanted a boyfriend. Until I decided I was done wasting my time. Life is too short to waste it moping for something that you don't have. Besides, you have to be comfortable with being on your own. If you aren't, then the rest of the people can't really get to know you. (When I had that change in atittude, I finally met THE ONE.)
But anyway, I think that your way of thinking is great. When you are a couple there are things that you don't do, perhaps because the other person doesn't like it or not, but you still don't do them. And then you miss some very important life experiencies...
Why, thank you :) And I completely agree with you. When we stop looking, that's when we find what we've been looking for.
I AGREE
I COMPLETELY agree with you...
I'm only 23, but I happen to be the oldest child and the only daughter/sister/grandaughter/neice on my mom's side of the family. One of two on my dad's side of the family.
The brother who is of age to be pressured like me is gay.
Hence, all my family pressures me to get married and have kids before the g-rents kick the bucket and my mom goes postal with all of her children moving out.
I love where I am right now -- living on my own and being independent.
Besides, I plan weddings as apart of my job. Being drunk is so much more fun!
This is not just for girls in their 20's. Girls in their 30's face the same question, except now those old ladies in church say, "so you're going to be an old maid." Yes, this is a true story--at the time I was only 33. Now, am I not only the drunk one, I'm also the unmarried, childless one. Somehow if achieved either marriage or children by the age of 35, people just don't know what to say to you.
You're right. Marriage is too big a deal for someone to rush into it haphazardly. Some people meet their future spouse when they're 18 and others don't until they're 35. Either way, it's most important to do what's right for you.
Im 27, Indian, and in India. It is of utmost wonder to my colleagues, frnds and anyone I meet that Im single, and not 'looking out' to get married - arranged or boyfrnd. And most of all, that my parents are cool about it too. Not that Im a minority, but I dont exactly fall in the majority.
But you know what? All the married ppl envy me. :D
I think that everybody should be acquainted with not only the real world (the actual real world, not the TV show) and especially themselves. Because if you don't know who YOU really are, then most likely somebody else isn't going to either.
This is EXACTLY how I feel.
I totally agree with you--I know there's definitely no way I'm ready for marriage--I don't even know who I am! It's crazy when I see my friends getting married and having kids-I'm only 24! I don't even know if I will even get married. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one out there that isn't married or in a serious relationship!
Love ur blogs! had to comment on this one. lol.
I've been on both sides of the coin. I got married at 17 and now i'm [happily] divorced! :) lol. I've been single for almost 4 years. Serious relationships are few and far between.
I have been having the same experience you wrote about here. Seems like every time I go to a family thing I'm asked the same question 3 or 4 times during the day.
Every time i look at my cousins who got divorced and remarried AFTER I did [4 years] i wonder.. if they are truely happy. Half of the time they are bitching about the husbands and there is always some sort of drama going on.
Being single isn't all it's cracked up to be either... but if i learned anything from my first [hopefully the last] marriage, is that TRUE LOVE is NOT some cookie cutter concept that some people like to portray.
The hardest thing in this world is to Love another person whole heartily. NOT to Love them despite their differences but FOR them. To maintain the respect between each other at all times.
sadly, love is hard to find.. and even harder to keep!
Thanks so much for the wonderful comments! Yes, love is so hard to find, but yet even harder to keep. Sad, yet SO TRUE!
Sorry for that. I think you can change yourself. I wish you could get married as early as possible. Invite me on the blog. Good luck!
I think what I like about this post is that it makes me laugh and makes me think.
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