Gossip Mom

Unlike the rest of us, sex, lies and scandal never take a vacation. Instead, they pack up their suitcase, along with a best friend, and head to the west coast. Some would say summer is their busiest season. Especially when mother dearest decides to pay a visit. The single white female way. - GG

"So remember that invisible boyfriend I always tease you about?" asked Uncle Chuck. "Well, I heard he's visible now in California." "Oh really! Says who?" I asked. My Uncle Chuck replied, "Your mother."

It's almost been two whole months since I've been in Los Angeles. The rest of my life was spent growing up in New York City, where I always had a difficult time meeting boys. Dysfunctional boys, rather. So of course, whenever I did meet someone, I always had a difficult time with relationships. And everything always ended in disaster. But ever since I came to LA, things have just fallen into place and life as I know it seems so much better. At least so far. And who would have guessed that I actually met, what seems to be a pretty good guy, within the first couple of weeks.

So of course when I'm on the phone with my mother and accidentally tell her that I have to go because I have a date, and he's waiting outside for me, she starts asking me a million questions: Who is he? What does he do? What does he look like? What's his social security number? Is it serious? Are you getting married!? - OMFG mom!

As if that wasn't enough, a couple of days later, I get a phone call from my Aunt Deb. She didn't want to know if I've found a job yet, or even what things were like in Los Angeles. She only wanted to know about my new "boyfriend." So she puts me on speaker phone so that her, my uncle and my cousin could talk to me at the same time. When I asked them how they know about this new guy of mine they replied...

Aunt Deb: I found out from Aunt Helen.
Me: Aunt Helen? Nobody even talks to Aunt Helen!
Uncle Stewie: Really? Well, Ronnie told me.
Me: Who the hell is Ronnie?
Uncle Stewie: Your dad's friend.
Me: My dad has a friend named Ronnie!?
My Cousin: Well, I saw it on Facebook.
Me: I didn't post anything on Facebook. What the hell are you talking about?

Me and this guy have only been on a couple of dates. I have no idea what's going to happen. But the one thing I do know is that my mother watches too much Gossip Girl. Don't ya think?