Job Seeking Advice

I read the other day in the paper that a lot of people lie on their resumes. I"m not surprised. I say if you're gonna lie, the resume is the best place to do it. I exaggerated a little on mine. How do you think I got this job? Hey, ambassador could mean many things. If you're going to lie on a resume you may as well make it a doozie. Why mess around with small stuff? Tell them you were in the secret service. If they ask any questions, all you have to say is, it's a secret. If they insist, just say, I"ll tell you, but then "I"ll have to kill you."

Actually, the easiest thing to do is to just use someone else's resume. Including their name. You'll have to change the phone number so the person doing the hiring calls you, and not the person whose resume you swiped. Of course, make sure that the resume you steal doesn't belong to the person that's hiring you. "Hey, we both have the same name." "What do you know? We both have the same career goals and special skills including synchronized swimming and stage combat." "Hey, this is my resume!" I will never make that mistake again. ~Ellen DeGeneres