Sunday, January 12, 2014

10 Songs To Listen To This Valentine's Day If You Want To Kill Yourself

1. Adele - "Someone Like You." This song just makes me want to lay down in my shower and slit my wrists. Then again, any Adele song makes me want to slit my wrists for being played so many times on the radio.

2. Sinead O'Conner - "Nothing Compares." Great song, but anything that's an inspiration for Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" video is enough for me.

3. Roxette - "It Must Have Been Love." I don't know what it is about this song that makes me want to start balling my eyes out, but it does. Maybe it's because I've listened to it every single time I've gone through a break up, or maybe it's because I still feel bad for Julia Roberts' hooker character in "Pretty Woman" (come on, everyone was so mean to her).

4. Sarah McLachlan - "Angel." This song makes me sad because it reminds me of when Jen died in the "Dawson's Creek" series finale. What, you never saw the finale?

5. Celine Dion - "My Heart Will Go On." If Leonardo DiCaprio dies in a movie, then what's the purpose of living?

6. A Great Big World - "Say Something." Not only is this song depressing, but it just keeps repeating the chorus over and over and over and over and over... "say something, I'm giving up on you." Oh yeah? Well I'm giving up on you by turning this shit off!

7. Evanescence - "My Immortal." Yep, if you hate the world and need a good cry, this song will do it.

8. Keane - "Somewhere Only We Know." This song makes me think of a cheesy RomCom... a cheesy RomCom that I'll probably never write. Enough said.

9. Britney Spears - "Everytime." Is it just me, or is this song kind of creepy? Maybe it's because Britney sort of commits suicide in it... or maybe it's because years later James Franco would lipsync to it in "Spring Breakers" while a bunch of chicks pranced around him in bikinis and ski masks.

10. Lindsay Lohan - "Confessions Of A Broken Heart." This song makes me feel all kinds of emotions; sad, depressed... but not because of the actual song, but because it's by Lindsay Lohan.

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