Welcome to the Jungle

To Hook Up, Or Not To Hook Up

2012-01-22T13:31:00.003-05:00

If you're a slut, then guys just want to bang you. But if you're a good girl, then guys don't want you at all. So... then what are you supposed to do?

Last night I went out with my best friend, her boyfriend and all of his single friends. Since my bestie typically always has a boyfriend, it's usually pretty easy for me to meet guys. Okay, fine. It's pretty much the only way for me to meet guys. If it wasn't for her, I'd probably be single for the rest of my life.

Oh yeah, so back to last night. She introduced me to a bunch of hotties. Of course, none of which had any kind of substance. They just wanted to get drunk, party and get laid. Did I mention they were all over 30? Yeah, that too. At the end of the night, she introduced me to this guy she's been DYING for me to meet. We talked for a while, mainly about dating and relationships. He said he couldn't understand why such a nice, pretty girl like me is single. I told him it was because all guys are jerks. He laughed and said I was crazy, and I also may or may not be a lesbian.

I am. But I have reason's to be.

After the bar, we all went back to my friend's boyfriend's place. Me and this guy were totally hitting it off... and believe it or not... we were just talking! Crazy, huh? I couldn't help but think, is this guy actually, maybe, kinda sorta, dare I say... into me? After I went to talk to my girlfriend in the other room about it, when I came out my guy was practically hooking up with some other girl. I awkwardly sat on the couch in between him and this girl... and another guy (who I totally have a crush on) and his new girl.

Like, seriously? Seriously. I leave the room for five minutes, and he's already trying to hit on someone else? I mean, it's not like we were "together," but still! Once it was 4am, there was no way I was driving home at that point. So, I was stuck sleeping on the floor while everyone else was hooking up.

I don't get it. If you hook up, then most likely the guy just thinks you're a slut and probably won't talk to you after the next couple of, err, dates. But if you don't hook up, then they're not interested at all and will just move on to the next chick who will hook up. And then guys wonder why girls are bitches, skank and/ or crazy. Well, I'll let you in on a little secret... behind every bitch, skank and crazy chick... is the guy who made them one!

Shit Single Girls Say!

2012-01-19T12:32:00.002-05:00

Liz Lemon Who?

2012-01-02T13:30:00.002-05:00

Is it just me, or does anybody else have as much with themselves as I do? I don't mean to sound presumptuous or anything, but I can make my self laugh harder than anyone I know.

Case in point: I had a free pass to the gym for a week. Since I haven't worked out since 2009, I figured I'd take some zumba classes to shed those extra LBS I put on from the holidays. And besides, we all know I could use a little dancing to help me out at the club.

So I'm in class and as soon as the music turned on, the teacher started dancing like crazy. Who does she think she is, the choreographer for Jennifer Lopez? Better yet, somehow, the entire class followed along with her without a hitch. Even the old ladies, and even the little kids. Pfftt, I totally got this!

We started dancing and just as the entire class turned left, I was turning right. Huh? And when everyone turned around, I was turning the other way. Wait, what! What the fuck is going on!? Why can't I keep up? And more importantly, why can't I seem to at least clap my hands?

Well, there went that idea. After the gym and desperately trying to make myself feel better, I went to get a mani/pedi. What could go wrong at a nail salon?

As soon as I walked in, all of the manicurists greeted me saying "Haiiiii" and got a spa chair ready for me. Now I don't know about you, but getting into the spa chair is sort of an obstacle course for me. As I was about to hop on, I noticed what I thought was a stool right next to it. So, I took off my flip flops, stepped on the "stool," which actually had wheels, and immediately flung me across the spa chair. I ended up doing the worm for a bit when the next thing I knew I was in the water where you soak your feet instead. This went on for what seemed to be five full minutes of trying to get up, but instead getting deeper in to the mess I call myself.

After three manicurists (yes, it took three) to help me up, a pretty girl sitting next to me just looked at me and laughed. Before the fall, I could have sworn this was Katherine Hiegl. So if it were, I'd like to think perhaps I inspired a character for her next movie. And at least I know I can put Liz Lemon to shame any day!

Singled Out

2012-01-01T04:25:00.000-05:00

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1… Happy New Year!” everybody shouted, as pretty much the entire bar started making out with one another. Most of them were couples, or at least dating. I guess? And others just grabbed pretty much anybody at midnight just to have someone to kiss. And then there was me. Lonely, little old me, sitting on a bar stool blowing my noise maker in the air, playing with that little straw in my drink.

“So… do you watch Heroes?” I said to the geeky foreign guy sitting next to me, wearing suspenders with those thick black rimmed glasses that the Saved By The Bell nerds used to wear (since when did those become cool again?). “I like-a your tattoo. Vant to kiss-a me?” said the geek. “I’m from Brazeeeaal and don’t speak-a English.” “Really? Well, you’re speaking it right now” I said, as we both just sat there for a moment. Ugh. So, I got up and walked over to my friends. “Happy New Year! Ahhhhhh!” we all screamed, as we all hugged one another in a big circle full of hugs.

All in all, my New Years was a blast (although, the very next day wasn’t such a blast). But even though I spent it with great friends, I still can’t help but feel lonely. Why, oh why do I always feel lonely on New Years?

Ever since I’ve returned to New York for the holidays, I’ve come to realize that most of my friends are either a) in relationships b) engaged or c) moved in with their significant others. And to top it all off, even all of my guy friends are taken. Yes, even the one of the group that we swore would never get married because he’s a crazy man-whore. Yep, even him.

So what does this all mean! I guess it means that I’m destined to become the old woman who lived in her shoes, because now even my backups are on the road to being hitched.

It's Okay To 'Not Have A Boyfriend' ... Right?

2011-12-09T16:30:00.005-05:00

Taylor Swift: "I just don't ... You'd know if I had a boyfriend. I for real don't have a boyfriend. I sit by myself and I watch 'Law & Order.' I don't have a boyfriend. I don't even have like kind of a boyfriend. I don't have someone that I'm texting that is a guy that someday might be my boyfriend. There's like nothing going on right now."
Ellen DeGeneres: "That's pathetic."
Taylor Swift: "Yeah."

The Most Incestuous Gang On TV Goes To...

2011-11-28T17:06:00.008-05:00

... 90210!

Rule #1 of living in 90210 land is that everyone has to date each other! On the original 90210, there was the whole Brenda/ Kelly/ Dylan love triangle. Now there's the Navid/ Silver/ Adrianna/Dixon triangle. And of course, we can't forget Naomi who dated Liam, who then dated Annie, all of which are great friends now. Umm, isn't there anyone else at West Beverly High that they can go on a date with? Aren't any of them on Facebook?

Although those rules may apply in La La Land, in real life, if you were to date a friend's ex, most likely they would be angry, hurt and would probably egg your car. I know if my best friend started dating my ex, she would not be happy. Nor would I, if it were the other way around. Jeez, if an ex comments on a Facebook post, it's a big deal, let alone starting a relationship!

But 90210 isn't the only TV show where 'the gang' dates... well... everyone else in the gang. The rule also seems to apply to Friends, Gossip Girl, Desperate Housewives, How I Met Your Mother... I can keep going, but you get where I'm going with this.

Would U date a friend's ex? And if you did, do U think they would be okay with it?

Stranger Than Fiction

2011-11-24T17:18:00.006-05:00

They always say "write what you know." That's a phrase I've come to live by my entire life because if you know me well, then you'd know that somehow, I always get myself into the most bizarre situations. Sometimes it's because of me. Sometimes it's because of my crazy friends. And sometimes, I just really think that my life is meant to be either a) a book series b) a Judd Apatow movie or c) a Thursday night sitcom on NBC.

It was Thanksgiving Eve, so my best friend and I decided to hit the town since we both had a few days off. And after working six days a week for the past six months, trust me, I needed a night out!

We went to a club called Beachers Madhouse inside The Roosevelt Hotel. As soon as we walked in, I had to triple check that I wasn't tripping on acid because it was by far the strangest place I've ever been to. Whenever somebody ordered bottle service, a midget dressed as an oompa loompa swung through the air to hand deliver their bottle of Grey Goose. I have to admit, that was pretty cool, aside from hoping that I wouldn't get raped by the old hairy 80-year-old man in leather panties (I really hope that he worked there) who kept trying to dance with me. Who ever thought of this idea for a club must have been on some serious drugs.

After the club, some friends of ours invited us to an after party somewhere in the Hollywood Hills. Not really sure of how we were going to get home, my friend and I jumped in an Escalade and hoped for the best. They took us to a mansion in Bel Air. I mean like, one of those mansions you'd see on Entourage. It was crazy!

A half hour later when everyone started doing drugs… and other stuff, I knew it was my cue to leave. But of course, the douchebags we came with left us there, the girls who we thought were "kind of" nice wouldn't give us a ride back to town even though they lived a few blocks over from us, nor would the z-list celeb who took a car service BY HIMSELF, or the girl who had a drug store in her purse (not that I would have wanted to get in a car with her). Everybody else was too messed up to tell us where we were or what the address was. Awesome!

Two hours later, we were still trying to figure out how to get home when the guy who's house it was said, "Oh, you need a cab, why don't you just call 411?" as if we were idiots. Umm, i'm sorry but is this 2003? Who calls 411 anymore, aside from the fact that we were up in the hills and had no cell phone service.

"Ugh, i'll call for you" said the douchebag, who picked up his landline and ordered us a cab. Seriously. Seriously? He couldn't have done that for us TWO HOURS AGO when we asked him? And so the cab finally pulls up… a mile away outside the gate of course! Once we got in the cabbie said "You girls walked all this way, you're lucky you didn't see any coyotes!"

And so, on this Thanksgiving day, I am thankful for always getting involved in a crazy night out. The truth is always stranger than fiction. I couldn't even make this stuff up if I tried!

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage… Then Comes ‘What The *&$@! Did I Do That For?”

2011-11-03T00:27:00.001-04:00

Incase you’re living in a bubble, then you would have known that Kim Kardashian just got divorced just 72 days after she got married. I know what you’re thinking – “You mean I just wasted four hours of my life watching ‘Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event’ for no reason!!” Oh… you mean you didn’t watch it?

Call me crazy, but I think that Kim Kardashian married Kris Humphries because she really did love him. Or did she just love… love? Kim is what I like to call ‘A hopeless romantic who is desperately wanting to get married.’ She’s one of those girls who’s dreamed of her fairytale wedding ever since she was little, and now that she’s hit 30-years-old, she suddenly realized she has to get married! It doesn’t matter to who, but she just wants a wedding and she wants it now! There’s no way in hell she’s going to be the last of her friends and family to get hitched. So, she found a guy that she liked and probably though it was do-able.

Hey, it’s happens to the best of us. But clearly, after only just a few months of dating, you don’t know someone well enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them. Maybe it used to work in the 1900’s, but not in today’s society. People are more complex now, but yet fall into “I want to get married because it’s the next step” phase. And then come around and realize one fine day… “What the fuck did I do that for?” … Get divorced and then do it all over again.

Sure, being single is fun, but at the end of the day, all a girl really wants is to find her prince charming and settle down. Kim represents ‘that girl who’s longing to get married’ that lives inside all of us whether we like it or not. But sometimes you just have sit back and wait for it to happen.

Stupid Reasons People Get Married

2011-10-05T19:09:00.005-04:00

Unfortunately, lots of people these days get married for all the wrong reasons. Here's a list I've compiled and if you feel like one of these reasons pertains to you, them umm, you probably shouldn't get married! And if you are married, did U get married for a stupid reason?

-All of my friends are getting married, I'm just getting drunk!

So what if everybody that you know is getting married? It doesn't mean that you should too! If everyone that you know masterbated to the Jonas Bros CD, would you do it too? Yeah, I didn't think so. And if you do know people who do that, then they shouldn't be your friends to begin with.

-I want a baby

No you don't! Babies are annoying and will change your life. If you want a baby go and babysit for a kid that you will eventually have to give back at some point.

-We've been dating for so long, it only seemed like the next step!

This is probably the dumbest reason of them all! There's no relationship schedule. If you feel like you're in a rush, or if he's in a rush, there's something fishy going on. Make sure to find out if he was born in this country.

-I want to plan a wedding and get drunk

Women everywhere have dreamed of their wedding day ever since they were a little girl. But that's not an excuse to go ahead and plan a wedding for thousands, or millions of dollars, only to end up getting divorced a few years later, because most likely you aren't a Kardashian, and if you are, I'm on Twitter!!

-I want to move out of my parents’ house!

Yeah, you really should! But getting married isn't the way. Get a job and move in with a friend. Haven't you ever watched Three's Company or Sex And The City? Having a roommate is way more fun!

-I want to have sex all the time

Sure, who doesn't? But you can still be in a relationship and have sex all the time. Or have one night stands. Or become a prostitute. See, there's plenty sex to go around!

-I felt bad saying “no”

Really? Because you'll feel even worse giving that ring back eventually. Just sayin'

My Mom Thinks I'm a Lesbian... And Other Things

2011-09-18T17:43:00.014-04:00

We all know that mother's only want the best for their children. But why is it that mom's in this day and age are obsessed with thinking the worst of their daughters when they come to realize that if they're in their late 20's and aren't settled down, they automatically think the worst.

Just because I haven't had a real boyfriend since... well, whatever -- I've had one, okay -- doesn't mean that I'm a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Just because all my friends are getting married and I'm the drunk one at their wedding, doesn't mean that I'm going to be a spinster. And just because I'm on birth control doesn't mean that I'm a slut. It does many other things besides prevent you from getting pregnant!

Let's face it, I would rather my mom just not know about my love life and have her think the absolute worst of me, than to actually tell her that I have a boyfriend and have her interrogate me about him, only to break up with him the following week which in turn, will make you feel even worse about yourself than you already do. Unfortunately, most mom's just aren't 'cool mom's' and don't understand that this isn't the 1900's anymore; the rules of dating have changed.

Since when did mother’s turn into those high school mean girls who used to spread rumors that you were gay because you dressed weird?

Do Stalkers Have It Too Easy?

2011-08-23T12:59:00.003-04:00

If you have a crush and you want to find out more about them, it's pretty easy to get the 411. There's Google, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Foursquare, Youtube, Linkdn, blogs… is that enough?

People who aren't stalkers become stalkers, and people who are stalkers, only have more ammunition to find what they are looking for. With so many advances in technology, it's hard not to stalk someone that you're interested in. How many times have you clicked on your crush's Facebook page and looked at their pics? How many times have you google'd your date? How many times have you checked to see where your boyfriend is on Foursquare? Yes, we've all done it.

Whatever happened to the days of driving past someone's house to see if they were home! Now, all you have to do is log on to Twitter, Facebook or Foursquare and you'll know exactly where they are and what they are doing. Sometimes I just wish we could go back to the days of Zack Morris phones. Life was so much easier back then.

Is it better to know absolutely everything about your significant other, or is it better to be left to the imagination?

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made (Jewish) mothers

2011-07-11T03:05:00.007-04:00

About a week ago my grandma was complaining that she was dying. But you see, every day in my house for the past five years, grandma is dying. So, whenever she would ask my mother to take her to the hospital... "You're full of shit!" my mom would say. Grandma would curse her out, and try again the next day. This would go on for years and years.

But last week, the unthinkable happened... Grandma died. I never thought I would say those words. At least, not so soon. I feel like it was just yesterday that we were eating dinner at a diner at 3:00 and she was putting sugar packets and silverware in her purse. She said it was for the dog!

Yep, that was my Grandma. She’s made me laugh more than any movie, sitcom or comedian ever has. Whether it was prank calling my mom just to see what she was doing, pouring hot water in cold apple juice or telling my fat uncle “Don’t get up, you’ll have a miscarriage!” I could always count on her to make me smile. Although, some things will always puzzle me; like why she would call the cops if she didn't hear from my mom in a couple of hours. But I guess that's just what Jewish mom's do... right? (Please say yes). It’s like that person once said, God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. (Note: I have no idea who said that, I just googled Jewish mothers, and that’s what came up).

She was your typical old Jewish grandma. You know, like George Costanza's mom.

She was the patriarch of my crazy family, the one who started it all! And I'm not sure if I ever told her, but she was my inspiration. She always believed in me no matter what and was always my biggest fan. But if there's anything she's taught me, it's that each and every one of us is crazy in our own way. But so what? At the end of the day, that’s what makes us special. I am lucky enough to have an amazing family who has an incredible sense of humor that will help us get through anything, and I think it’s safe to say it’s all because of Grandma Rita.

Do U have a "Friend With Benefits?"

2011-07-06T17:27:00.001-04:00

The Dating Jungle Now On Twitter!!

2011-06-02T03:16:00.004-04:00

Okay, it's taken me long enough to do this... but The Dating Jungle is officially on Twitter

Hope to see you all there!

Early Days of Spinsterhood

2011-06-01T13:41:00.002-04:00

Jenna: Hang on. Why do you have a cat? And a fanny pack? And your ponytail! It’s being held up by a chip clip!
Liz Lemon: …I am making my graceful transition into spinsterhood. I have adopted this cat. Named her Emily Dickinson…
Jack: Lemon, a word. Hang on. Recent break-up, fanny pack, cat . . . Quick! Who is the lead character on NCIS?
Liz Lemon: Special Agent Jethro Gibbs.
Jack: In your office now.

At my age if you're single it means either a) you're divorced b) socially awkward c) career obsessed d) there's something wrong with you or e) all of the above.

As the eternal single girl, being single is exhausting and being in my really-late-twenties-not-yet-thirty-because-that's-gross stage, I can't help but feel as if I'm never going to find a boyfriend. I constantly feel as if I always have to dress my best because 'you never know when you're going to meet somebody.' And according to my mother, that somebody exists either at Starbucks, Barnes and Nobles or the local pizza place.

So what if I haven't had a boyfriend in nearly ten years? That doesn't mean that I'm a lesbian. (Not that there's anything wrong with that). So what if all my friends are getting married, and I'm still drunk? At least I'm not in a relationship just to be in one. And so what if I feel like a sister wife to my best friend and her boyfriend? I really do enjoy spending time with them. Yes, really!

I mean, we've all seen Sex And The City. Being over 30 and single is fabulous, right? Oh, who am I kidding. I'm grabbing my cat and fanny pack and heading out to buy some donuts to watch NCIS.

Don't judge me!

Not Another Wedding Movie

2011-05-24T16:01:00.004-04:00

Okay, is it just me, or has there been a plethora of wedding themed romantic comedies lately? If I see Katherine Hiegl in another bridesmaid dress, Kate Hudson bitching about men or Ginnifer Goodwin whining about being single, I'm going to poke myself in the eye with my eyeliner pencil multiple times until I gauge my eyes out.

As women, we get it. We want to see a good love story. We want to cry, we want to laugh and we want to see hot guys. But that doesn't mean that every single chick flick or romantic comedy needs to be about a single girl at her best friend's wedding.

Over the weekend I had the pleasure of seeing Bridesmaids, which was refreshingly funny with a cast full of average looking women. Let's face it, most of us don't look like Cameron Diaz or Jennifer Aniston. Instead, the characters are as real and pathetic as can be, with scenes like the now infamous dress-fitting gag where Kristen Wiig and her co-stars succumb to a disastrous case of (to put it nicely) food poisoning.

But what's with all the ruckus about "This movie finally proves that women really are funny." The notion that women aren’t funny is as old as the people still bringing it up. Wasn't it Joan Rivers who hosted The Tonight Show for Johnny Carson decades ago? Wasn't it Ellen DeGeneres who was the first woman to get called up to Johnny Carson's desk (again, decades ago)? Wasn't it Tina Fey who became the first female head writer on Saturday Night Live? And wasn't it Betty White who has suddenly become a phenomenon (again) for... I don't know... being funny?

While I absolutely adored Bridesmaids, one thing still plagues my mind; why did the first female comedy that's supposedly going to "change comedy forever" have to be about a wedding? Is that all chicks are good for, to write romantic comedies about being the eternal bridesmaid?

Whatever happened to the days of Nora Ephron movies about just falling in love?

29 Is The New 69

2011-05-17T13:00:00.000-04:00

Ever since I've hit my late 20s, I've had nothing but problems. Suddenly, I have stomach issues which I've never had before, my tolerance is always low so the minute it's cold outside I get sick, and I'm usually too tired to go out at night. At the end of the week the only thing I want to do anymore is curl up in bed and watch CW shows. Instead of going out to eat with friends, I force myself to stay home and eat scrambled eggs with toast, and when I go to work I bring crackers in a plastic bag. What's become of me?

Instead of being upset, I’m rather annoyed. My friends are party animals and alcoholics who wake up in places they don’t know. Find it funny when they throw up in public. Drink at least 3-5 cups of coffee every single morning. And pop at least five Advils to cure their hangover. But meeee, the almost always designated driver, the one who "one time" took too many Advils and ended up getting a bleeding ulcer in college, the one who barely ever drinks coffee/ soda because caffeine gives me headaches, and I’m the one that has to suffer with stomach issues?

Maybe it's a quarter life crisis. Maybe it's anxiety. Or maybe I should start looking at assisted living communities in Boca Raton, FL. Le sigh!

Rules for a One Night Stand

2011-05-11T03:34:00.005-04:00

A guy and a girl are hanging out for the first time. They go for drinks at a bar. While having a conversation about dating and relationships the guy says “I don’t want to be with a girl who’s been around the block a couple of times.”

Yes they do! Because at the end of a date they obviously are going to try and sleep with you, whether or not they like you. Two words: beer goggles.

So, the guy and the girl end up getting pretty drunk and the next thing they know they are back in one of their bedrooms with their clothes... well... there are no clothes. The girl doesn't want to be a slut, so instead of giving it all she's got, instead, she just lays there.

Now not only does the guy think she's a slut, he also thinks that she sucks in bed. See, look what you just did!

The morning after, the girl gets upset and suddenly exclaims “Oh my god, I just want you to know, I never do this!”

Yes, you do, you just did! I don’t know what’s worse, telling the guy that, or just not saying anything at all. Every guy knows that girls always use that line and they're full of shit.

Afterwards, if the guy is decent, he will probably feel bad, so he will show some affection; tell the girl she's beautiful, he had a great time, she was great in bed, he wants to hang out again, etc.

Oh, great. Now the girl thinks she's found "the one," and it's going to be some extravagant love story just like in the movies. Well, guess what, unless you're an actor and this is your scene in a movie, IT'S NOT HAPPENING! Just because you heard this happened to your friends sisters best friend, doesn't mean it's going to happen to you, too.

Days go by and she doesn't hear from him. Girl does some Facebook stalking, because we all know that's what we do. She sees he has way too many female friends, comments and photos.

This means war! Whatever happened to the days of the Commodore 64 and the Zack Morris phone? The internet has given females a whole new outlook on stalking. Ahh, remember the days when leaving a maxi pad with ketchup on a guys windshield sufficed as getting even? No? Okay, never mind then.

And so, I hope this helps. If you can refer to any of these situations, then hey, at least you're getting some action. Which is more than I can say about myself. And if it ends up becoming a relationship, then you're probably going to wake up and realize you fell asleep to some Katherine Heigl movie, it was just a dream and you're still alone and single with hopes that you're next Vegas vacation is going to be when you find "the one." Okay, I'm just going to shut up now.

I Officially Retire Birthday Parties

2011-05-08T18:56:00.001-04:00

I hate birthday's. Wait, let me rephrase that. I hate MY birthday.

Birthday's are fun for everybody BUT the person who's birthday it is. There's always so much to worry about when planning a birthday party; what to wear, who to invite, who will actually show up, who will say they will show up and then not show up.

Even though my birthday has passed, I decided to celebrate it last night since my "LA Friends" complained that I was in New Jersey, err, New York on my birthday. And since my bff was also celebrating her birthday last night, we decided to celebrate together. She invited some of her closest friends, and I invited some of mine.

We went to our favorite restaurant, The Gorbals, and then partied afterwards. And to my surprise, one of my friends showed up for me. ONE. And the rest of them didn't even tell me whether or not they were coming. Even after I sent out the Facebook invite and then texted/ called them to tell them also. Even after I texted/ called them yesterday afternoon to follow up.

Yes, I get it, people in LA are broke, or at least say they are and don't want to spend money on a nice dinner, let alone chip in for the birthday girl, but then they "Spontaneously" go to Las Vegas the next day. It's okay, I get it. And people don't want to travel more than a mile within the radius of their house because they are lazy. I get that too.

I do this every year. I decide to throw, what in my head, is going to be a spectacular night of fun with friends and it always ends in disappointment. Why don't I ever learn my lesson? And why don't my friends get along with each other? If there's one word that describes my life... it's WHY.

So, in turn, I would just like to take this opportunity and say "Thank you, "friends," for coming out to celebrate my birthday. What a turn out. So incredibly overwhelming. Seriously, thanks so much for coming. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to finish off my mixture of Nyquil, vodka and rum with a bottle of Tylenol PM that I just found from 93. Oh stop, of course I'll wake up!

Opposites Attract

2011-05-06T13:51:00.004-04:00

I never thought about how true the term "Opposites Attract" could be. Whenever I'm looking for a potential love interest, I always think "he needs to be exactly like me." But would I really want to date myself?? Why wouldn't I search for somebody who is n't anything like me?

Take my best friend, for example. We are complete opposites. And when I say opposite, I mean it. I adore Larry David, while she cringes at the sound of his voice. I laugh at shows like "It's Always Sunny" and "30 Rock," while she finds them revolting. I love yoga, while she finds it useless and prefers doing something that makes her sweat, like spin class. I take Immodium for my irritable bowl syndrome while she takes Miralax for her constipation. So, you get the picture. We are different.

But when it comes down to it, that's why we're friends in the first place. I love that she's the exact opposite of me.

Would U want to be friends with and/ or date yourself? Do U really think opposites attract?

For The Last Time, I Am Not From New Jersey

2011-05-02T19:13:00.001-04:00

Dear Fairweather LA Friends,

For the last time, I am not from New Jersey. No, I am not Italian, speak like Sly Stallone or have family in the mob. I don't GTL. I don't wear anything leopard nor do I have my hair teased with a pouf. And just because I like house music, doesn't mean I fist pump at clubs. No, I don't have a Mustang or Camaro, nor do I date gorilla juicehead guidos. I don't say things like "oh my gawd" or "I'm from Lawn Guyland."

No, being from New York is not the same thing as being from Jersey. And just because you're from New Jersey, doesn't mean you look like Snooki or the situation (no, I will not capitalize his name). So please, stop introducing me to people as "This is Jen from New Jersey, she's friends with Snooki." Just because I have a friend of a friend who's friends with her, doesn't mean I know her too.

Thank you,

The Princess Bride

2011-04-30T00:06:00.004-04:00

Okay, I must be really lonely because I cried like a baby during the royal wedding. I sat down in front of the telly (yeah, I talk British now) the instant I got home from work, because well, I just couldn’t take it anymore. And the minute I saw the crowd cheering for former peasant, Kate Middleclass, I cried. The minute I saw some Barbara Walters commentary, I cried. As soon as I saw an almost bald semi-handsome looking fella whom I thought was Prince William, I cried. It wasn’t him. He’s actually not quite as handsome anymore. I cried.

But the moment we’ve all been waiting for, when Kate FINALLY revealed her wedding dress… yes, I cried. I mean, what girl wouldn’t? I cry over things like “the family who got an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,” and “Casey got kicked off American Idol,” so the royal wedding is no different.

Every girl and homosexual watched this historic event with awe and jealousy. I mean, Kate’s just a normal girl who has literally found her prince in a fairy tale wedding. She’s so normal, she even did her makeup and hair herself, supposedly. Really? You’re getting married in front of the entire world and you do your hair and makeup YOURSELF? WHO DOES THAT??? I get my hair blown out if I’m merely going to an event hosted by former reality stars. And I use the term “stars” loosely.

I thought that Kate looked stunning in her wedding gown that was clearly fit for a princess, unlike Princess Diana’s which was SO 1900’s. Thank god Kate didn’t go that route. Not that I thought she would, but with those royals, you never know! I mean, every time I thought the wedding ceremony was over, they would sit down and those Glee club wannabee’s would start singing again. Oh, those silly royals!

And what about Princess Eugenia and Beatrice’s Lady Gaga inspired outfits? Did they think they were going to a taping of “The Price is Right?” Insert SNL skit here.

My favorite part of the wedding was without a doubt, when Prince Williams mouthed to Kate, “You look beautiful.” She smiled radiantly, and mouthed “I know, right?” Actually, I’m totally lying. I just made that up. Yes, Prince Williams did say that, although I’m not sure of what Kate responded. But what I did notice was that the happy couple was just that… happy. No, I don’t think it was for the cameras. If you watched closely, and I mean really watched closely, then you would have noticed that the two seem truly in love even though their peck on the lips seemed to have no emotion what so ever. But besides that, the two crazy kids seem genuinely in love, and I for one, am happy for them.

And so, even though the question on everyone’s mind has been answered (re: Kate’s wedding gown), one question still remains… what is Lauren Conrad doing right now? Because if I were her, I would have pulled a Michaele Salahi and crashed that wedding! Fergie sooo would have been down with that.

Okay, after reading this entire blog post in my faux British accent, I'm going to watch the rest of my 50 shows which has the title "Royal Wedding" that I've recorded.

Help, I'm stuck in a Korean Tina Fey Autograph Factory!

2011-04-20T23:38:00.003-04:00

Don't worry, I'm coming to save you!

If you know me, or you're an avid reader of the dating jungle, then you'd know about my admiration for Tina Fey. Okay, you got me. I'm down right obsessed with the woman. And I have good reason to be.

Last night, I had the pleasure of seeing Tina and Steve Martin in a one night comedy show, which was basically an interview about her new book, Bossypants. Yes, it was amazing. But was even more amazing was that the ticket included a copy of her new book. Wait, I'm not finished yet..

So, my friend and I took our copy, which was cool enough. But when I opened up my book, it was already autographed by Tina! Yep, that's right. I'm still not done yet, okay?

Overwhelmed, I saw a whole lot of autographing on the first page. It was like, a whole paragraph! People in the crowd were trying to look over my shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of what my book said, and why I had a whole lot of writing and theirs didn't. Well, 1) I'm cooler than you, and b) I'm still cooler than you.

"Help, I'm stuck in a Tina Fey Korean autograph factory," read the autograph. How cool is that? Tina actually wrote something in MY book. But then I thought to myself she probably wrote silly things like that in every book. I was just one of the lucky few who got one. And no, I'm still not done yet, jeez!

As soon as my friend posted the photo on Facebook, friends of mine were commenting like crazy. Apparently she was on Conan that night and said that she only signed two books like that, AND I GOT ONE OF THEM!!! Tina and I are totally going to laugh at this in years to come, when we're working together, of course!

If you're a female comedy writer, or just a female writer, or just a female in general, then I highly recommend buying Bossypants. Not only is it a fun read, but Tina teaches you a lot about writing, improv, what it's like being one of the only females in the boys club.

Basically, Tina rocks!

A 'Happy Ending' Kind of Story

2011-04-13T03:06:00.005-04:00

I think there's something wrong with me.

No, like seriously, you guys, I think there is something really wrong with me. If you know me and/ or read my blog regularly, then you'd know that my life is a shit show.

But lately I've just been thinking about the future, and if and when I'm going to find "The one," how it would go down? Where would we meet? Am I a freak for meeting a random guy at a bar and constantly thinking "Oh my god, what if he's the one, I can't meet him at a bar!" Well, I guess I can't help but think about it since most of my friends are either in a relationship, engaged or married. But how did they all meet?

Hmm, let's see... Most of them met in college. My best friend met her boyfriend in Las Vegas. My cousin met her husband in jail. And... Well, you get the idea. Yes, every great couple has a great story to tell about how they met. I mean, look at "How I Met Your Mother." That story is SO great that we have to wait until the last season, or possibly even the last episode to find out how they met! So what story will mine be? God, with the way my life goes on a normal basis, I can't even imagine!

For the longest time, I thought I would meet my future husband on the internet. And no, I don't mean on match.com or something, I mean like, some crazy fairy tale of the twenty first century story. Like, we were twitter buddies, or blogger friends. But well, we all know how that worked out. Or maybe I would meet him in Vegas too and we would drunkinly get hitched one night and live happily ever after. Yeah, I know, that probably wouldn't have ended well, would it?

Oh man, I could think of a million scenarios that would thoroughly entertain me. But I guess we'll just have to wait and see. And I can't wait! Or maybe I can...

Do U have a great story to tell?

2011-04-06T15:58:00.000-04:00

(On being a geek) “The first time I ever went to… I was like okay, I don’t fit in. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m not dressed appropriately. There’s nothing cool about me. I’m going to go read a book.” - Madonna Channeling Her Inner Liz Lemon

This Little Piggy Got Herself a Jobby Job!

2011-03-04T20:59:00.003-05:00

Yours truly got a new gig as a writer/ celeb news expert/ twitter extraordinaire for Yahoo! Yes, that's right. And the other day, I was asked the name of James Franco's grandma, and I actually knew the answer. Why did I know the answer? I'm not quite sure, but I guess that's why I got the gig in the first place.

Check out the show, it's called "omg! NOW," which is sure to deliver your daily dose of celebrity and entertainment news. And please also follow us on Twitter, which is actually me, for the latest updates!

Facebook Stalking Goes to a Whole Other Level

2011-02-23T13:32:00.004-05:00

As if girl's weren't crazy enough, now there's a new way of stalking your potential love interest on the internet; There's a Facebook app for it. Why, of course there is! As if Facebook stalking wasn't easy enough, now there's actually an app for the popular social networking site that allows stalkers... I mean users to pick "friends" whose Facebook relationship status they'd like to monitor. You know, for the lazy stalkers. When that status changes, the stalker - er – user, is notified via email of the change. Creepy? Yes. Whatever happened to the good old days of just Googling someone?

The Next Carrie Bradshaw Goes To...

2011-02-09T14:50:00.002-05:00

Last June we learned that Candace Bushnell's bestselling prequel, 'The Carrie Diaries,' was (quite possibly) heading to the big screen, and now casting rumors have Hollywood in a tizzy over who is going to play the young Carrie Bradshaw... and it looks like Blake Lively is at the top of the list.

Being a huge SATC fan (the TV show, not the movie, let's make that loud and clear) I'm not quite sure if Lively fits the bill as a young Carrie. Sure, she's got the fashion sense, and sure, she's already playing a socialite on the Upper East Side, but wouldn't that distract the audience? Or would she fit the bill perfectly?

I always imagined what Carrie at 18 would have looked like, and what comes to mind is Sarah Jessica Parker in Footloose! Well, maybe just a tad better looking, and a better fashion sense. Plus, Carrie was never quite "Model-like." Isn't that why she always wore heels to make up for it?

Hopefully, the prequel won't end up like the last movie, because quite frankly (and I never thought I'd say this) I'm SO over the SATC franchise. If this film does happen, what I'm most looking forward to is mean girls, boy drama and some fabulous '80s fashion, of course!

And I actually some what feel bad for whoever nails this role, because they're going to have some pretty big shoes to fill.

Who would U like to see play Carrie and the rest of the gals?

Being Single is Exhausting

2011-01-26T20:53:00.005-05:00

As yet another Kardashian show hits the air waves, Kourtney summed it up best when she said "Kim's single girl mode is exhausting," and I couldn't agree more. Not only is a Kardashian actually right for once, but being single IS exhausting. Especially when you're in a city like New York or Los Angeles. "Guys in LA think they're really cool, but guys in New York are really cool," said Kim and Kourtney.

Dating is exhausting because you're always thinking about the following, and if you don't, then you're a big fat liar!

You worry about why you're single and your friends aren't.
Why haven't you had a date in so long.
Why haven't you gotten laid in months.
What's wrong with you!?
You're always trying to figure out where you can meet someone.
Why haven't you met someone there?
Should you approach them or should they approach you?
What do you talk about?
Does he like me, or doesn't he like me?
Should I call him first, or do I let him call me?

Exhausted from reading yet? The list goes on, my friends...

Do U think living the single life is exhausting?

My Web Series: LOST AT DA JERSEY SHORE: A Year In Review

2011-01-18T19:22:00.006-05:00

Ever wonder what would happen if Oceanic Flight 815 of LOST crashed somewhere other than the show’s mysterious island? What if it crashed on to the set of another TV show? And what if it wasn’t just a TV show, but a reality show that is just as big of a phenomenon as Lost? Well, now you’re about to find out in the new web series, LOST at da Jersey Shore—a hilarious parody about the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815, who realize that they now have to cope with their “Situation” – a new lifestyle of learning how to be a guido.

“I had the idea to write a Lost parody for the longest time, and since I’m from New York, I thought it would be funny if ‘The Others’ were a bunch of guido’s,” said creator/writer/producer, Jen Kucsak. “It started out as just a silly sketch that I was going to film with some buddies of mine. But when I showed the script to cinematographer Richard Salazar, he fell in love with the idea and wanted to shoot it as a web series.”

However, starting up LOST at da Jersey Shore wasn’t easy. Kucsak not only wrote and produced the series, but also served as the casting director. “Richard and I literally saw hundreds of actors for each role,” said Kucsak. “I not only had to cast amazing talent, but the actors also had to have improv skills, and on top of that, resemble the characters that they were playing.”

Filming the series guerilla-style all over Los Angeles provided numerous obstacles, such as finding locations and dodging the authorities. And given the cast’s uncanny resemblance to their real-show’s counterparts, an additional (though, not surprising) issue became the constant pursuit of paparazzi, who unknowingly thought they were following the real Jersey Shore and Lost cast, and wondering why in the world they were hanging out together. The best example of this mistaken identity occurred when the series started filming at clubs and bars in Hollywood, and club-goers told security that the Jersey Shore was filming and a fight had broken out, which was actually just one of the club scenes.

Not only has the web series garnered rave reviews from the press and industry insiders, but the “Jersey Shore” star herself, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi has even declared that “LOST at da Jersey Shore” is her favorite “Jersey Shore” parody and Youtube video to date. How cool is that?

Comprising the “Lost” cast is Danielle Kasen (also A writer for “Saturday Night Live”), Spencer Mickelson, Benjamin Keepers, Carlie Verdecia, Zack Kibria, Zach Killian, Luke Rex, Chris Frontiero, Chad Kim and Appo Jabarian. The “Jersey Shore” cast includes celeb-reality star Jason “Heat” Rosell from the hit VH1 shows “I Love New York” and “I Love Money.” Rounding out the rest of the “Jersey” cast is John Ward, Ashley Sugarman, Jaclyn Marfuggi, Sean Scott and Hilary Novelle Hahn. The series was written and produced by Jen Kucsak, and filmed and directed by Richard Salazar. LOST at da Jersey Shore launched May 23rd, just in time to coincide with the “Lost” series finale. The series can be seen on Youtube, as well as the social media sites Clicker and Mingle Media TV.

How To Tell When You've Found a Great Dating Site

2011-01-11T01:40:00.002-05:00

Dating has changed. It’s not longer about meeting someone at a restaurant or bar, simply because many of us no longer have the time. Now, we search for a romantic partner from the comforts of our own home through the many dating websites available on the web. But, like anything of access, it can be difficult to choose one. How do you know which dating sites are trustworthy, safe and of the highest quality? As you embark on online dating, here’s how to tell if your dating website makes the mark for you and your needs. And no, I'm not talking about my blog. Well, I am. Sort of. Anyways, check out this article "10 Ways To Tell You've Found a Great Dating Site." And you'll be sure to know when you've found one.

The Princess Diaries

2011-01-08T23:29:00.002-05:00

Ever since I was a little girl, I always dreamt of the day I would get married. But for Kate Middleton, her reality has exceeded her expectations by becoming engaged to Prince William and becoming the future Princess of England.

Being the same age as Prince William, I've had a crush on him ever since I can remember. I was always a fan of his mum, Princess Diana, and was deeply saddened by her tragic death. I remember my girlfriends and I always saying how cool it would be to one day marry the Prince. But we were nine years old at the time and it seemed like a fairy tale. I mean, we were normal girls and he was royalty. He was probably going to marry some British ugly bitch, not by choice, but because he had to.

But then it happened, he met a normal girl who came from a middle class family and fell madly in love with her. Well, I don't blame him. Kate it just gorgeous, looks down to earth and if I must say so myself, actually looks like she adores the Prince. Even though he's taken, which honestly I could care less about now because he's SO not hot anymore, but the two look very happy together, which makes me happy. Not that anyone cares if I'm happy. But if you do, I am happy.

I normally don't give a shit when celebrities get married. I normally don't care about celebrities at all. But for some reason, this wedding just fascinates me. Maybe it's because the Prince is marrying a commoner, or maybe it's because Kate sort of resembles a brunette Lauren Conrad,

or maybe it's because for once, a celebrity couple - let alone royalty - actually looks happy together.

I only wish I could attend the royal wedding that will make history on April 29, 2011, when Kate gracefully steps from her carriage and down the aisle of Westminster Abbey. But sadly, I probably won't be able to make it. But I will be sitting in front of my TV all day long with a bucket of popcorn watching in awe that fairy tales do come true. Or maybe only in England. Which, in that case, ROAD TRIP!!!

Another One Bites The Dust

2011-01-08T22:49:00.001-05:00

This season must be "Getting Married Season" because 1/4 of all my Facebook friends have gotten engaged this Christmas. Why is it that once you're in a stable relationship and you're in your mid twenties, everybody automatically thinks you're getting married? Well, I guess that's because most of the time, they do.

Most people think that your supposed to date for a year or two, get engaged, get married the next year, and then start having kids. Life isn't on a schedule. If you're in a happy relationship, why can't you just be... happy?

People jump into marriage WAY to fast these days. What ever happened to getting to know somebody, going on vacation together, or meeting each other's families first? Or what about living together first? When a couple gets engaged rather quickly, I don't think that they realize that marriage is "supposed" to last forever. Divorce is so common now a days, I don't even think that anybody thinks about the consequences.

I know, I know, lots of people say that when you find that special someone, you just know. But still, you shouldn't rush into anything, because sometimes you think twice when life takes over.

New Years Eve

2010-12-30T11:30:00.000-05:00

New Years Eve is just like Valentine's Day - everybody makes such a big deal about it, but it never lives up to the hype. Most people are disappointed if you didn't have that midnight kiss, or if your night didn't go as planned, which it usually never does.

Well guess what, it's just another night!

I hate to sound jaded, but I hate New Years Eve. It's so overrated. Who wants to spend $200 to go to a club just to be pushed around and wake up the next morning either a) sick as a dog or b) in somebody's place you don't remember or c) both.

And I also just found out that there's a new feature coming out, called what else, but "New Years Eve." Is this supposed to be the sequel to "Valentine's Day"?

Happy New Years Eve everyone! Have fun and be safe. See you in 2011. That's only one more year until the world is supposed to come to an end.

Kidding! Kidding!

Blue Valentine's Day

2010-12-28T23:35:00.001-05:00

On Wednesday, December 29, 2010, The WEINSTEIN COMPANY will release the feature film BLUE VALENTINE, starring RYAN GOSLING and MICHELLE WILLIAMS, and the day will be named "BLUE VALENTINES DAY", a day where all couples are encouraged to make a time to go out on a DATE to discuss their RELATIONSHIP, what is working, what isn't working and what they are going to DO going forward. BVD is about COMMUNICATION, RESPECT, LOVE and HOPE. BLUE VALENTINES DAY is a time to work on rebuilding the LOVE in a relationship that needs WORK and deserves MORE effort and time.

If you are in a relationship, dating, married etc, and believe that your relationship is worth FIGHTING for, join our group and CELEBRATE Wed. Dec 29th as a day of FIGHTING for the LOVE you want for the relationship you are in, and a day of HONESTY, SENSITIVITY and OPENNESS to taking a good look at your partner in life and WORKING through your PROBLEMS in order to find a COMMON ground in which to continue being TOGETHER.

Please SHARE your RELATIONSHIP stories, how you met your significant other; how LONG did you DATE for until you KNEW they were the ONE; how did you PROPOSE or your significant other proposed to you; how LONG were you ENGAGED; how did you plan your WEDDING; tell us about your wedding; tell us about your HONEYMOON; tell us about your FIRST YEAR of MARRIAGE; how did your marriage CHANGE after the first year; when did you DECIDE to have CHILDREN; how did children CHANGE your relationship with your spouse; how do you keep the EXCITEMENT and love STRONG in your RELATIONSHIP; what DIFFICULTIES have you faced in your relationships, in DATING and in MARRIAGE; when did you decide to MOVE IN together and how did that AFFECT your RELATIONSHIP; how is your relationship with your IN-LAWS; how do you BALANCE WORK and HOME life; what do you LOVE about your RELATIONSHIP and what do you feel is MISSING; how are you CONTRIBUTING to the RELATIONSHIP and what else can YOU DO to IMPROVE your RELATIONSHIP. We want to hear your STORIES about LOVE, HEARTBREAK and everything IN-BETWEEN. Let's all HELP each other LEARN from each other so we can all have HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIPS with our SIGNIFICANT OTHERS, EACH OTHER and all our FRIENDS and FAMILY members.

PLEASE INVITE your FRIENDS to the Facebook GROUP and spread the LOVE and INSPIRATION to work and fight for LOVE no matter where your relationship is. NEVER FORGET that FIRST moment of LOVE. ALWAYS fight for your LOVED ONES and NEVER SAY NEVER.

Old Movie Reviews: Home Alone

2010-12-26T00:30:00.003-05:00

It’s funny watching old movies from your childhood. Take “Home Alone” for instance.. its a classic John Hughes holiday movie to warm your heart, which it does, but if you’re a funny person like myself, I’m sure you’d find some ridiculousness.

First of all, what kind of mother forgets their kid and doesn’t realize it till their halfway around the world “Shit, I forgot my son!” She doesn’t realize this when she wakes up in the morning, nor on the car ride to the airport, or when they’re boarding the plane and even while they’re on the plane. You’d think a mother would say “Hmm, I haven’t seen my son this morning.”

Meanwhile, poor Kevin is home alone doing all kinds of things an 8-year-old would do, like going food shopping, clips coupons, doing laundry, makes dinner etc. Most of my guy friends over 30 don’t even know how to do that!

I know, I know. It’s just a movie. I know.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!

2010-12-24T17:24:00.002-05:00

Ahh, yes, another holidays season all by myself! What to do? What to do! Well, if you're permanently single such as myself, here's a few ways to make yourself feel better.

- Carry around a mistle toe where ever you go.

- Make sure to get drunk. But not TOO drunk. You know, just enough to have a good time and actually remember everything that happened. Maybe have some wine. Wine tends to make you "Happy" drunk and not "I fucking hate my life" drunk.

- Throw a holiday party of your own with all your best friends.

- Don't listen to holiday music so much. It will drive you crazy.

- Just make sure to spend as much time as possible with your family and your friends.

- Be thankful for what you have and don't dwell on why you're single, because think about, being single means... More money to spend on yourself! There you go, feel better now, don't you?

Merry Christmas and a Happy Holidays!

Love,
The Dating Jungle

I Quit Drinking! Yes, Really! Well...

2010-12-22T19:51:00.002-05:00

Everybody says it, but nobody follows through with it. If you're between the ages of 21-mid thirties then you'll know what I'm talking about. You go out and party with your friends, have an amazing time, well from what you can remember, and then the next day you don't remember a single thing. You look through your camera... WHAT??? THAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT??? You feel sick. Headache. Puke. Do it all over again.

But why!?!?

Because we had a good time? Do you even remember if you had a good time? I bet you don't. And the next day, are you having a good time being sick as a dog? Probably not.

So, after much debate about this subject for a few months, I have come to the conclusion that I quit drinking. "Yeah right" my friends would say. I would sober up for about a month, and then go out and party again. But this time is different. I've been sober for quite a few months now and I've never felt better. Do I still have a good time when I go out with friends? Yes. Do I remember everything that happened? Of course. And will I wake up next to some random dude the next morning and not know who it is or how I got there? Absolutely not.

So from here on out, I proclaim that drinking is only acceptable on "Special Occasions," such as NYE, St. Paddy’s Day, my birthday, other people’s birthdays, memorial day, labor day, July 4th, Halloween, Thanksgiving Eve, weddings, and whenever someone comes out to visit me in la.

Future Jen

2010-12-13T02:31:00.002-05:00

DEE: Oh my god! You guys! This is a letter to my future self.
MAC & DENNIS: What?
DEE: Yeah. Dear Future Dee, How’s Hollywood? Congrats on all of your success! Stay grounded. Enclosed is a check for $1,000,000. Be sure to give it to Dr. Larry Meyers as a thank you for all of his inspiration. What? That’s stupid. Just stupid." - "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"

Growing up, how did you imagine your future self? And now that you're all grown up, are you exactly where you thought you would be?

One of my best friends called me a few weeks ago and read me what I wrote in her high school yearbook. It went something like... "When we're 25, you know, married with kids..." WHOA, WHAT!!??

Well, I guess when you're young and stupid, your sense of perception could be a little off. OK fine, mine was way off. But when I was 18, and imagined myself at 25 years old, it seemed like an eternity. It seemed, dare I say it... old!

So now that I'm 28, am I doing what I always thought I'd be doing? Absolutely! I was always the type of person who knew what they wanted to do. And I always knew two things: 1) I was going to be a writer, and 2) I was going to move to LA to pursue it.

When I was 12 years old, I used to write crazy stories about my family, and whenever people would asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say that I wanted my own TV show. Yes, they looked at me like I was nuts. And I was. Having your own TV show is practically like winning the lottery. But now that I live out in LA and I'm a writer by trade, I come closer to that goal each and every day.

So, what do I see in store for future Jen? A whole lotta things! And it's just the beginning.

What do U see in store for your future self?

Nice Guys Finish Last

2010-12-08T02:19:00.003-05:00

Charlotte:"Don't laugh at me, but maybe we can be each other's soul-mates? And then, we could let men be just these great, nice guys to have fun with." Samantha: "Well...that sounds like a plan." SATC

We all complain we want one, but then when we finally have one... OH, HE'S JUST TOO NICE!

We've all dated the not so nice guys and always wish for the nice one to come along and sweep us away. So, why is it that when they finally do, we aren't happy? Well, I've dated "Nice guys," and although this may sound absolutely horrible, I'm going to say it anyway. OK, here I go. They were just too nice! It annoyed the shit out of me. There was no challenge. No arguments. The nice guys agreed with everything I said, or wanted to do. Never raised their voice. Never said anything, actually.

Guy: What's your favorite show?
Me: Hmm, Glee.
Guy: Oh, no way, me too!
Me: That's cool! Want to go see "Sex And The City?"
Guy: For you? Sure!

OK, maybe not completely boring, but you need to be somewhere in between nice and not so nice. And yes, I just jinxed myself and will now never find a nice guy.

Whatever Happened to Chilvalry?

2010-11-30T13:08:00.002-05:00

“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, John Hughes did not direct my life”

-Emma Stone in Easy A

The Usual Suspects: A Family Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T00:13:00.002-05:00

Once again, Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! And as I mentioned before, there are many things that I am thankful for, including my dysfunctional family. Because without them, I wouldn't be where I am today. They give me so much inspiration! But this Thanksgiving was particularly interesting. Yes, it was just as crazy, if not crazier then ever because my whole family was together for the occasion...

My uncle told me I should just forget guys and be a lesbian. He said I could be the token family lesbian, since there are no other lesbians in the family. Either that, or I should just be a slut.

My Great Aunt thinks that I'm a porn star, since nude photos were sent to her email with the subject title "View Jenny's Photos." Strange coincidence? Yes. But I don't know what's worse, her thinking I'm a porn star, or the fact that she thought the girl in the photos was actually me.

Since I haven't been feeling well and can't drink, I'm now deemed as "The boring one."

Although my mom was drunk and declared she now has "corporal tunnel."

My five-year-old cousin came out of the closet. Unless you call painting your nails, putting on makeup, and proclaiming your love of rainbows normal for a young boy. Although, no response when I asked if he was a fan of Striesand. He also said he was hard numerous times. Hmm...

My aunt now looks like Joan Rivers.

So that, in a nutshell, were the stand out clips of my Thanksgiving. And yes, although most people think I make this stuff up, unfortunately, these things really do happen. I hope your Thanksgiving was just as entertaining.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-25T16:02:00.002-05:00

Today I am thankful for being in New York with my crazy family and friends, who are amazing and inspire me to do what I do every single day. I am thankful for my amazing life in LA, an awesome job, and all the good that's come my way.

What are U thankful for?

Clueless Makes So Much More Sense Now!

2010-11-23T23:51:00.001-05:00

Mel: I expect you to walk through this door in twenty minutes.
Cher: It might take longer than that Dad.
Mel: Everywhere in L.A takes twenty minutes.

Ever since I've moved to Los Angeles, I've come to realize that "Clueless" makes SO much more sense. Everywhere you go really does take twenty minutes, there is valet parking everywhere, and the fact that Tai never had straight friends before, well, that's totally believable because everybody is gay.

Dear LA friends, for the last time, I'm not from New Jersey

2010-11-23T23:49:00.001-05:00

To make matters even worse, I went to Staples today on Sunset Blvd. When I started printing one of my scripts, the sales man was trying to make small talk with me... Ugh, always dreadful!

SALES MAN: So, where's my turkey?
ME: It's in New York!
SALES MAN: Oh, you're from New York?
ME: Yep.

Ten minutes later...

SALES MAN: So, when you goin' back home to Jersey?
ME: I'm from New York.
(Awkward pause)
ME: I just said "I'm from New York."
SALES MAN: But... isn't... Jersey... in...
ME: New Jersey is a state. Just like New York is a state. New Jersey isn't actually IN New York.

Awkward Larry David moment.

Our Teenage Dream Has Finally Arrived!

2010-11-22T01:59:00.003-05:00

The American Music Awards got a blast from boy band past when the Backstreet Boys took the stage with New Kids on the Block, basically forming one group called NKOTBSB. Now, I must admit, growing up as a MTV obsessed teenage pop tart, I never in a million years would have imagined the two groups ever performing together. Until now!

The groups did a mash up of “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back),” “I Want It That Way,” and “Larger Than Life,” and New Kids’ “Step By Step,” and “The Right Stuff." Their performance was by far, the best of the night. And right now, somewhere out there, NSYNC is planning their move as we speak. And "Glee" producers are strategizing the mash ups for their boy band episode. Well, at least we can only hope!

Writer's Block

2010-11-17T01:58:00.003-05:00

I sincerely apologize to all of my avid readers here at the jungle. My posts lately have been scarce and practically non existent for quite a few months now. It's not that I don't enjoy blogging anymore, I do, I really do! But I've been quite the busy little bee with my web series LOST at da Jersey Shore, writing for Yahoo, (that's right, I get paid to watch tv) and just trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing here, not to mention my writer's block the past couple weeks.

I mean, I'm a writer, but sometimes I just hate writing. Do you ever feel that way? It just takes so much out of me to sit down and actually write. But I've smacked some silly sense into myself and I'm back and better than ever!

After much debate, I've decided to take improv classes at Upright Citizen Brigade and I'm even writing a stand up routine! Yes, for myself. Which most likely will never be heard. By anyone.

2011 is going to be a great year!!

Girls Night

2010-11-15T02:46:00.001-05:00

Why is it that whenever girls go out, it always ends with the girls hanging out with boys? Sooo, then I guess it's not really "Girls night," is it? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a young single girl who's always out on the prowl, not some over the hill married hack who forbids herself to talk to men. But when it's "Girls night," shouldn't it be just that? You know, girl talk, boy bashing, 'can you believe she did that,' etc. Yet somehow, it always ends up with at least one friend ditching the group just to have a one night stand, and at least one friend who thinks it's been a miserable night because there were no cute guys.

Can't girls just hang out and have a good night, whether boys are involved or not?

What to do When Your One and Only is Talking to an Ex

2010-11-10T15:06:00.002-05:00

What happens when you finally meet a great guy, and you come to find out that he's still friends with his ex? Ummm, I KNOW! It's happened to the best of us. And as females, we can't help but be jealous. Even if they are just friends. I believe the same goes for guys too. Check out my latest post by Leon Harris, a writer for The Pickup Artist where you can find great tips and advice on dating!

Finding out that the person you’re crazy about is talking to an ex can make you a bit, well, crazy. It can definitely be a frustrating even anger-inducing situation, but mostly it just makes you start to question everything. Why is he talking to her? Is he still interested in her? Or is she pursuing him? Maybe they’re hooking up behind my back! Or maybe he’s planning to break up with me! Why is this happening? What does she have that I don’t? Okay, just stop right there. This is nothing but a downward spiral that is going to end in a bucket of Ben & Jerry’s, an armload of John Hughes films, enough Kleenex to raise the company’s stock five points, and a horrific food coma in the morning. If you suspect your honey is making phone time with his ex, there are a few steps you should take to straighten out the situation before you reach for the phone and speed dial Papa John’s.

1. Go to the source. The first thing you need to do is talk to your man. Confront him about his inability to cut the cord and see what he says. But don’t act too insecure. Let him know that you’re not comfortable with the situation, but make it clear that you’re worried about her intentions, not his. If he’s totally into you (and has no designs on his ex) he should be receptive to your concerns and offer to quit her cold turkey. If he flat refuses, you may have a problem.

2. Gauge your trust. You only really need to worry if he completely denies interaction with this shady girl. If that’s the case, you first need to be sure that you haven’t somehow misinterpreted the situation (like you checked his incoming texts and saw some from her, but didn’t bother to see if he had responded). If he’s on the up-and-up, saying that they’re just friends and you have nothing to worry about, then you need to take a good long look at your relationship and determine just how much you trust him.

3. Get friendly. One good way to get an inside track on what’s really going on is to befriend his ex. This may not sound like fun initially, but it can be very revealing. If she wants to stay his friend but is reticent to become yours, chances are she’s got ulterior motives. Same deal if he blanches at the prospect of you spending a little girl time with his old flame. If they’re really just friends and neither has anything to hide, then your plan to make nice with the ex should go off without a hitch (and who knows; you might just make a friend).

4. Go for the ultimatum. No lie; this is a desperate and risky move, but it could be entirely justified. Committing to another person is a choice that sometimes comes with sacrifice. And your feelings should be more important to him than a girl he is no longer with. However, most people don’t take kindly to the “my way or the highway” argument, so be prepared for things to go south.

5. Let it go or get a move on. A relationship is supposed to provide love, companionship, happiness, and fulfillment. If you’re constantly worried about what he may or may not be doing behind your back, you are not going to enjoy any of the good feelings that being in a couple is supposed to provide. So you have two options if he won’t stop communicating with the other woman: you can either put up or shut up. In other words, you either have to decide to trust him, or get the heck out (and find someone who wants you and only you).

Halloween Costumes!

2010-10-27T01:33:00.001-04:00

What's everybody going to be for Halloween this year? I have a feeling there's going to be GaGa's galore, Jersey Shore fist pumpers and Justin Beiber's everywhere!

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't

2010-10-03T16:24:00.004-04:00

We've all done it.

We've all woken up in the morning and come to realize you've had a one night stand. You try and confess to the guy how you "Never do this." He says he understands and most likely you'll never see him again. Cut to - a few weeks later. Now you're on to someone else. So, you try and do the opposite and actually "Date" this guy for once. But on that very special "Movie night" you choose not to sleep with him. A few days go by and you wonder why you haven't heard from him. Is it because you didn't sleep with him?

Hmm. What do U think is the acceptable amount of time to wait before you hit the sack?

Going the Distance

2010-09-22T17:29:00.000-04:00

Boy meets girl. Girl moves away. Boy and girl text and have really bad phone sex. Boy and girl realize that long distance relationships suck.

Erin (Drew Barrymore), who's 31, is finishing up her internship at a bustling newspaper, The New York Sentinel, and would do anything to land a job there. Garrett (Justin Long), an easy-come-easy-go womanizer, works for a medium-size New York record label. The two meet at a bar and bond over a round of the classic videogame Centipede. That night, back at Garrett's apartment, they confess their love for Top Gun, and end up having a one night stand, which miraculously turns into a relationship, but falls flat when Erin has to move back to San Francisco.

OK, first of all, only in movies does a one night stand turn into a relationship. And two, only in a movie can you get past security at an airport to try and stop the one you love from getting on the place. I'm just saying!

Overall, Going the Distance was full of laughs that only the Y-generation would love. Like showing the dirtiness of how women talk about sex and relationships, a la Drew Barrymore talking about how great she is at giving oral sex. Or when Charlie Day likes to take a dump with the door open.

Would U go the distance for someone you love?

LOST AT DA JERSEY SHORE - HOMELESS WHITE FEMALE

2010-09-16T01:58:00.000-04:00

Hello Lovies, here's the latest installment from my web series LOST AT DA JERSEY SHORE. Even if you don't watch either "LOST" or "Jersey Shore," I promise you'll still love it. I mean, who wouldn't love a typical stalker love story?

Not Like The Movies

2010-09-07T19:25:00.000-04:00

Just like the movies. That's how it will be. Cinematic and dramatic with the perfect ending. It's not like the movies, But that's how it should be.

I just heard one of Katy Perry's new song called "Not Like the Movies," and while it's a beautiful song (and not annoyingly poppy) it makes me wonder when waiting for "the one" will be done? Does love really happen the way it happens in the movies? Doesn't everyone wish that life was that simple?

We’ve been brought up to believe we will meet our soul mate in the way only a romantic comedy would call for and live happily ever after. We are brainwashed into unrealistic expectations and then we suffer the consequences when our lives don’t live up to the myth. I mean, we all can't have our cinderella story end happily ever after like Hilary Duff for example, who met her prince charming on her flight to Idaho for vacation. OK #1) who meets their future husband on a plane? And #2) who vacations in Idaho?

Those kind of stories don't happen to everyone. Life and love is never perfect - Unless your Hilary Duff, I guess. What happens in the movies is only make believe... Or isn't it?

Romance is Dead... Or Atleast For Now It Is

2010-09-06T00:24:00.001-04:00

OK, is it me, or does nobody go on dates anymore?

I've been dating a lot within the past few months, err, scratch that... I've been hanging out with boys within the past few months, and not a single one of them ever asked me on a date! Sometimes, a girl just wants to be taken out to dinner and have a fun night out. Whatever happened to dates where your guy would pick you up, open your door and take you out to dinner? Instead, guys will try anything just to get out of going on an official "Date," and you all know what I'm talking about!

"Want to come over and watch a movie?" - This is the universal language we've all come to know and love, which actually means "Come over and let's have sex." It's also an easy way out of an official date.

"Let's go to a bar!" - Alright, fine. That's not as bad as "Come over and watch a movie." At least it's sort of a "Hanging out date." It's also a good way to get to know someone in a casual environment. Just don't get too drunk, because, err, you know what happens next!

"Want to go for coffee?" - Let me just say this, if a guy asks me to go for coffee, I would be there with bells on! So what if it's not dinner, at least he's taking you out for - something! - and 1) you're not wasted and 2) you can actually have a normal conversation.

So, until we all find that special someone, for now we'll have to suffice with "Watching movies" until your prince comes along. Because you never know when you might find him. He just may be in that movie you're watching. You never know!

Blog Awards!

2010-09-05T23:34:00.013-04:00

I am so incredibly psyched right now! Why, you ask? Because I was just given a blog award by the very talented Alice X at the Boyfriend Drama. I'd like to take the time and say thank you, and pass along the award to some of my favorite bloggers out there.

Soooo, here are are the rules:

1. Thank the blogger who gave it to you.
2. Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience using five (5) words.
3. Pass it on to 10 other blogs which you feel have real substance.

Excitement - Whenever something crazy happens, which is pretty much all the time, I always feel the need to blog about it.
Motivation - Boys behaving badly. That's right. I said boys.
Experience - I learn something new every day. For better or for worse. But usually, it's for the worse.
Humor - Writing blog posts everyday really has made me a better writer. Without it, I wouldn't be where I am today.
Philosophy - If everyone were normal, life would be boring. And what fun would that be?

These are the blogs I want to give an award to for entertaining me on a daily basis:

The Houlywood Reporter

Awkward Sex And The City

Carrie Bradshaw is Full of Shit

Date Girl Diaries

Crazy Little World of Mine

Chronicles of Wynn

Erika Jean

Midtown Girl

Better Late Than Never

She is Anyway

Failure To Launch in the 20-Something Community

2010-08-30T22:46:00.004-04:00

Still living at home with your parents? Don't fret, you're not alone! Check out this interesting article from the NY Times...

I'm Over It

2010-08-28T00:56:00.002-04:00

Sitting on the couch all by my lonesome self, I just couldn't stop yawning, as everyone around me was a drunk mess, having a blast. "Do you want a drink, sweety?" asked a cute boy. "No, I'm OK. I'm not drinking," I responded. He looked at me, disgusted, and shrugged his shoulders and climbed onto the couch right in front of me. In Hollywood, apparently if you're not a drunkin' whore then you're some kind of desperate ogre of a loser. "Uh, what are you doing?" I asked, as he planted himself literally right in front of me and started dancing. Umm, OK. Now I'm not only sitting on the couch like a loser. Now, I'm sitting on the couch and this drunk idiot is standing right in front of me - wait, scratch that - on top of me, knocking into me every time he busted a move. "Please, don't fall on me," I said rather calmly. "Oh man, I hope not!" said the guy. "I would look like such an asshole!"

Why do I constantly feel like a loser when I go out to a Hollywood club? Fine, I’ll admit I’m not too friendly either, but I’m sorry, I just don’t care to know some of these people. I’m as real as they come, and I’d rather sit all by myself and not say a word, then talk to some of these people that have less of a brain then my Yorkie who barely even knows her name. And dancing next to Lindsay Lohan or seeing Sam Ronson spinning isn’t so thrilling. Trust me. I’d rather be home watching How I Met Your Mother.

How To Lose A Guy In 3.5 Seconds

2010-08-24T19:06:00.004-04:00

So, the other night I was partying it up with my friends out in La La Land, when a cute boy approached me. Now, being that I'm in Hollywood, believe it or not, the first thing when you get approached by a guy actually isn't some lame pick up line, instead it would probably be something like "So, what do you do?" So, I answered "I'm a bathroom attendant."

LOL!

And I didn't see him again all night!

Party All The Time!

2010-08-14T18:41:00.004-04:00

CAUTION: Do not read if you are hungover, eating, or a recovering alcoholic.

It was my very first Vegas vacation. Post my twenty first birthday, I was feeling like the queen of the world. My friends and I wanted to get away for a weekend, and there was no place I'd rather be. Since we've never been, we didn't really know where to stay. So, like the idiots that we are, we decided to stay at New York, New York. Now, obviously, you all know that I'm from New York. So, staying there really wasn't all that interesting. But the one thing I loved about that hotel, was that it had a roller coaster!

After a night out at a bar, my friends and I were obliterated. I mean, we were running around the casino like idiots. Gambling all of our money away, running in and out of the bathroom puking - you know, things you do when you're drunk. After the debauchery ended, we all went back to our room. And I was sick. I mean, like deathly sick. I was so sick, I was puking everywhere. The garbage can, the sink, the bathtub, the toilet. I was puking so much, that even my friends started puking along with me. After this whole debacle was over, we all finally passed out.

That was until early the next morning. I woke up, hurried to put on my clothes, grabbed my purse and was almost out the door when my friend woke up. "Where are you going?" she asked. "On the roller coaster. Be back soon" I replied. "Are you out of your mind! You're still drunk, you dumbass!" she said. Stumbling over someone's pile of clothes, I replied "I'm fine!" And was out the door and on my way!

On the roller coaster, I was actually feeling fine. As we started to creep up the hill, I looked down. Ooof! Stomach's growling. Slight case of indigestion. Oh god. I hope I don't throw up. I really, really hope I don't throw up. That would be horrible. All of these poor people don't know what they're in for. Meh.

But... nothing. I made it through the roller coaster ride without a hitch. But once I got off the ride, well, that was a different story. And let's just say, for the rest of the trip, I was very, very, very... very sick!

And so I've told myself, I should only drink on special occasions, like New Years Eve, St. Patrick's Day, my birthday... but when you think about it, the list just keeps getting longer.

What are acceptable occasions for drinking?

Friends Don't Let Friends Go On Their Facebook Accounts

2010-08-06T23:07:00.003-04:00

It was yesterday that my life changed forever. My life on Facebook, that is!

It was just an ordinary day for me. I went to work. Did some writing. And met with my editor when I got home to finish up my web series, episode no. four. At the end of our session, I ran out of the room for a minute, and didn't realize that I had my laptop right next to him, and was still signed in on Facebook. When I got back, I realized that I had ten new emails - all Facebook comments. "Hmm, that's odd," I thought to myself. Then, about five minutes later, my phone started to ring and friends of mine that I didn't even realize were friends of mine were texting me like crazy "You made it!!!!" "Oh my god, congrats!" Etc.

What the hell is going on!?

Well, apparently my buddy decided to get on my Facebook account and write that I sold a script for $150,000.00! Okay, a) I obviously did not sell a script for 150,000.00 b) And if I did, my Facebook status would not say "Sold script for 150,000.00" because well, that's douchey. And c) This teaches me a lesson...

DON'T LET FRIENDS POST ON YOUR FACEBOOK ACCOUNT!

And someday, someday... I will sell a script. But for way more than $150,000.00 :)

Five Tips on Dating in College

2010-08-03T19:32:00.002-04:00

5 Tips on Dating in College by guest blogger Louise Baker

Congratulations! Youíve finally asked someone out, someone you may have been interested in for a while or who has caught your eye. But now that youíve got a positive response, since youíre in college, you may not have a lot of money to spend. In fact, you may even feel that you have very few options on how to have a good time. Still, with a little bit of creative thinking, itís possible to have a wonderful time without having to spend much money.

Here are five ideas on how to have a fabulous date.

1. Prefer a family-style restaurant over a restaurant chain.

By choosing a cozy, family-owned restaurant, youíre much more likely to enjoy a more intimate setting and good food at a lower price than if you were to choose a generic restaurant chain. Itís a good idea to get recommendations and to visit the restaurants in your area before you take your date out. This will allow you to choose the best settings, menus, and prices instead of being taken by surprise. A little research will go a long way in creating a positive experience.

2. Go out for coffee or a drink.

Spending a lot of money on a date is not at all necessary to make a good impression. Itís not necessary to sit down and get to know someone over a big, expensive meal . By meeting for an afternoon coffee in a cafÈ or for an evening drink in a local pub, bar, or tavern you can still have a wonderful time.

3. Look for a community event.

There may be free or low cost community events in your town, or even on campus. Itís important to find out, if possible, some of the things your date is interested in. It may be poetry, book reading, music, art, history, or nature. Your question about interests will also make a positive impression, showing your date that you are a caring and considerate person, someone who is not self-centered.

4. Visit An Exhibit.

College students can often get a discounted rate at art galleries and museums. Find out what cultural centers are near you and also what your date is interested in. In fact, walking around and looking at an exhibit will be ideal if youíre a shy person and need time to warm up to someone. You can focus on talking about the items in the exhibit as an ice breaker.

5. Try An Outdoor Date.

Itís possible to have a great time without spending much money or any money at all, especially if your campus is near the beach or a hiking trail. You can go biking together, fishing, or even have a picnic outdoors.

Louise Baker is a freelance journalist and blogger. She currently writes about online degrees for Zen College Life. Her most recent article ranked the best online colleges in North America.

Love Thy Neighbor

2010-07-26T23:56:00.002-04:00

Have you ever had a crush on somebody that you work with? A best friend maybe? Yes, we've all been there, done that. But have you ever had a crush on somebody that you see pretty much ALL THE TIME! Let's say, your neighbor.

For some reason, I always seem to have the hots for my neighbors. (Come on, it's not my fault that I live in a building where everybody is my age and cute boys roam the hallways and go swimming all the time!)

Also a "HIMYM" episode of the same name, Barney reveals the “Love thy Neighbour” rule, which is: “Never ever, ever love thy neighbor.” But why? Well, for one - you see them almost every single day. And what if you guys break up and then your neighbor has a new girlfriend. Things can get pretty, pretty awkward!

It's a rule that we all know, and we remind our friends of the dangerous potentials, but yet we never learn, and unfortunately have to figure things out on our own... The hard way.

"I Never Do This"

2010-07-17T21:01:00.004-04:00

You wake up on a Sunday morning and you feel like hell. You roll over, and next to you is the hottie you were talking to all night long. You might remember. Or you might not remember. But either way, you exclaim “Oh my god, I just want you to know, I never do this!”

Yes you do, you just did!

I don’t know what’s worse, telling the guy that, or just not saying anything at all. Why do girls feel the need to always say that line that's now become the classic 'one night stand' excuse. Every guy knows you're full of shit! I know, I know, it just makes you feel better. Or maybe, the guy will think you actually don't ever have one night stands. Hmm, is it better to explain yourself? Or just go with the flow and not say anything at all?

What do U think?

The "Heidi Montag"

2010-07-12T03:26:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow the parents are coming to visit, which means I have less than 24 hours to pull off a Heidi Montag on my mom. Quick, what can I do to myself in such little time!?!?!?

a) Bleach my hair blonde... Scratch that. Wear my blonde Lady Gaga (Halloween) wig and pretend I dyed my hair.
b) Get some Scientology brochures and act creepy
c) Pretend I went gay
d) All of the above

All my friends are getting married, and I'm just getting drunk

2010-07-08T16:34:00.001-04:00

"So, are you married yet?" asked an older woman who appeared to be in her mid 60's. A long lost relative that I've never seen or heard about before. From what I knew, which was absolutely nothing about her, she was a complete stranger. "No," I happily replied. "Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked. "Uh, nope. No boyfriend either." "Oh" said the woman, as her voice suddenly grew deep with disappointment and confusion. "Well, that's alright. I guess, things are different these days. Let's keep in touch, dear. It's a shame that the family only sees one another at funerals. Hopefully next time will be your wedding!" she exclaimed, as she grabbed me and gave me a big hug and then walked away.

Yes - I'm twenty seven years old. And no, I do not have a boyfriend. Which means most likely, I'm not getting married anytime in the near distant future.

There’s a group on Facebook I recently joined titled, ‘All my friends are getting married. I’m just getting drunk.’ In my high school graduating class of 2000, and my college graduating class of 2004, Facebook tells me a size-able percentage of these kids are in long term relationships, are married (or will be soon), and have kids (or will be having them). I seriously question whether this is a matter of their being more grown-up than me, or whether I’m complacent in just being perpetually single as the old woman who will literally live in her shoes. (And damn nice ones, might I add).

So while many of my friends out there are getting married - because you know it's always the ones who are least likely to get married, who end up getting married first. There are a few other adventures I want to have before I start on the "Big One." Even if it means that I’m that token friend at weddings - you know, the drunk one with the Peter Pan Complex sitting at the kiddie table.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the people who marry young are going to get divorced. Or are idiots. But I do think it's just a factor of when you meet the right person. Some people meet them very young. And some meet them later in life. There's nothing wrong with either one. But just make sure they are "The one" and not "The next one."

For me, I’m content with dating around until I find “The one.” Not “The next one.” So, while most of my friends are getting married, I’ll be getting drunk. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

2010-07-08T15:45:00.004-04:00

Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore." LADY GAGA

Awkward Conversations With Boys

2010-07-05T17:58:00.001-04:00

Have you ever met somebody and you just have absolutely nothing to say to that person? And no matter how many times you hang out or get to know one another, you just have nothing to talk about.

"So, how are you! What's going on?"
"Oh, you know, just working! How about you"?
"Same thing. Work. Writing. You know!"
"That's, wow, that's awesome!"
"Yeah... You know?"

Awkward silence. Smile. And repeat.

I actually have never had this happen to me until I moved to Los Angeles. Is it the people here? Or is it because the person I'm talking to is awkward and has nothing to say to me -- or maybe I'm awkward and have nothing to say to them? Or both? Hmm!

What's YOUR worst awkward conversations?

Living in Los Angeles has made me realize that...

2010-07-02T22:58:00.003-04:00

1) I should have my own reality show because my life is really entertaining
2) I'm more creative than I thought, and getting the job of my dreams isn't too far away
3) No matter where I am in the world, I still attract the crazies
4) I am awkward
5) I will never get married for as long as I live here
6) I am not going back to NYC

I'm Back, Bitches!

2010-07-02T22:27:00.001-04:00

I'm back from my blog hiatus and ready to rock n' roll!! I know you've all been wondering where I've been (it just makes me feel better to think that... OK?). I've been working on my web series LOST at Da Jersey Shore writing two features, working two jobs, and just trying to maintain a life here in Hollywood. Since you work so much here, it doesn't leave you with much play time.

I have a lot of catching up to do! Stay tuned :)

LOST AT DA JERSEY SHORE EPISODE 02 "THE HATCH"

2010-06-03T22:00:00.000-04:00

When Jack and Locke discover “the Hatch,” they come to realize that it's actually a tanning salon ran by Desmond, a guido who has been held captive for three years, and thinks that if he doesn't go tanning every 108 minutes, New Jersey will explode. But will it?

Back in School We Used to Dream About This Everyday

2010-06-03T17:18:00.004-04:00

Today marks my one year anniversary in Hollywood! I know, I can't believe it either!

A couple of years ago, I've always dreamed of moving out to LA, but I don't think I ever thought it would actually happen. you know? But it did. And I couldn't be happier. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel as if my dreams are coming true. Slowly but surely, they are.

Yes, California is beautiful. And yes, people in Hollywood are the biggest flakes you'll probably ever meet. And yes, it's the city of dreams, but also a city that could be very lonely. It takes a strong person to survive this town. And I'm lucky enough to say that just a year later, I'm still here, along with a great job, a couple of new friends, and a web series. And it's just the beginning!

I Think That's Justin Bobby

2010-05-25T02:46:00.003-04:00

If you live in Los Angeles, and/ or a fan of "The Hills," then you'd know that almost every hipster guy in Hollywood looks like Justin Bobby. You know, with the greasy-haired beard-o mountain man? Well, wherever I go, I'm haunted by him. I could swear that I see him everywhere I go. But as it turns out, it's never the real Justin Bobby. Even this past Halloween, a met a guy who was dressed as Justin Bobby.

JEN: Hey, nice costume! Are you Slash?
"JUSTIN BOBBY" GUY: No.
JEN: No? Oh, I know! Cisco Adler?
"JUSTIN BOBBY" GUY: (Clearly has no idea who that is) Uh, no.
JEN: Hmm.. Matisyahu?
"JUSTIN BOBBY" GUY: I’m Justin Bobby.. from “The Hills”?
(And suddenly, every girl at the party flocked to “Justin Bobby.” Leaving me in the dusk).

But even out at clubs and bars, I could have sworn that I've seen Justin Bobby before...

JEN: Is that Justin Bobby?
ROOMMATE: No!

Or at the local Starbucks...

JEN: OK, seriously you guys, that's Justin Bobby!
ROOMMATE: Quit it! It's not him, it's a Hasidic Jew!

Or at CVS...

JEN: I swear, that's Justin Bobby. Right over there. He's looking this way!
ELLEN: That's Cisco Adler.
JEN: Oh. We're losers for even knowing who that is.
ELLEN: I know.

But, on one fateful night at the Roosevelt hotel, I spotted a guy who looked awfully familiar. I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

ROOMMATE: Who is that guy? He's looking over here. I think he's in a band or something.
JEN: Hmph, no idea.
ROOMMATE: Oh my god... it IS Justin Bobby!
JEN: No way. That's not him.
(Justin Bobby walking right by me, looks at me, and walks away. I'm completely oblivious to this).

EPISODE ONE: LOST AT THE JERSEY SHORE

2010-05-22T22:00:00.000-04:00

What would happen if Oceanic Flight 815 got lost at the Jersey shore? Would Jack fist pump like a champ, would Kate be Snookified, would Hurley finally lose the chunk and GTL into a juiced up guido? My web series is FINALLY up and ready to go. Please check out the first episode. Tell all your friends, or we'll have a Situation!

BIG Announcement!

2010-05-01T23:29:00.004-04:00

So, you've all probably been wondering where the hell I've been and why I haven't been posting as much. (Or... maybe not). I've actually been working on a web series that I wrote and produced here in Los Angeles. And it's been one helluva ride! Usually, people out here do these kind of things with their friends. For example, one friend is the director, one friend is the writer, and the other friend is an actor, etc. But unfortunately, I don't have any friends out here, so... I had to do this one all by my little old self! And of course, had my best friend/ roomie co-star in it as well.

The premise is simple: After a mysterious plane crash, nine survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 are left stranded on the Jersey Shore, along with Rousseau - a crazy homeless woman - and Desmond, who has been stuck in a tanning salon for three years. In a dead-on parody of TV's mega hits, LOST meets MTV's Jersey Shore, the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 will soon realize that they have to cope with a new lifestyle of learning how to be a guido... in LOST at da JERSEY SHORE!

You can become a fan right here on Facebook. The first episode is coming soon, so stay tuned! You won't want to miss it!

Do You Love, Love?

2010-04-26T20:31:00.003-04:00

Why are people so obsessed with being in love and always feel the need to be in a relationship?

There are many things about relationships that I have yet to understand. That's probably why I'm not in one. But what I always wonder is, how are there people out there who always end up in relationships? You know, those people who just always have a significant other, and are never single for very long. Even if they break up with somebody, a few days later they already have somebody already. Yeah. Those people. How does that happen? Are they not picky? Do they just go with the flow? Or are they just lucky in love?

Hmmm...

We Are Family

2010-03-30T22:40:00.002-04:00

If you have a sense of humor, than you're probably either a) Jewish b) have dysfunctional family and friends or c) you should have your own sitcom.

A couple of days ago my grandma was complaining that she was dying. But you see, every day in the Kucsak household for the past five years, grandma is dying. So, when the poor thing asks my mother to take her to the hospital... "You're full of shit!" my mother would say. Grandma would curse her out, and try again the next day. This would go on for years and years.

But still, grandma was positive that this time, she really was dying. And my mom still refused to take her to the hospital. So, she secretly asked my dad to take her. "Derek, can you take me to the hospital? I'm dying. I really am! And that son of a bitch refuses to take me!" said granny. And so, my dad did the noble thing and took her. And thank god he did!

The hospital took her in right away, and doctors didn't think she was going to make it. So, when my mother calls me in hysterics that grandma is indeed dying, for real, I literally dropped everything that I was doing at work, headed to the airport and hopped on the next red eye to NYC. My whole family flew from all over the U.S. too, thinking the worst is yet to happen. But it turns out, grandma was alright! She was diagnosed with a strangled bowl -- which is actually deadly if not treated right away.

But of course, when friends and co-workers alike ask "How's grandma doing?" I tell them that thank god, she's alright. And when they ask "What was the matter?" I have no choice but to say she had a strangled bowl. I mean, given the circumstances, being that she's OK and all, it actually is a little bit ironically comical. And being that I work in the world of comedy and my friends are a bunch of idiots, you could only imagine the things they had to say.

"Ahhh, the bowl strangler got your grandma!"

"You mean to tell me your mom nearly killed your grandma just to get you back home for a couple of days!"

"Well, she was always full of shit! Guess not anymore!"

Yep, that's my life. I know, I have no idea how it happened either.

And The Winner Is...

2010-03-28T20:43:00.002-04:00

And the winner to the Sex And The City Contest is (drum roll, please)... Becky! She will receive two free tickets to the Sex And The City tour in Manhattan. Congrats, Becky!!!

More to come here at The Dating Jungle. Stay Tuned. I have lots of exciting things going on that I will share very soon!

CONTEST - Calling All Sex And The City fans!

2010-03-04T19:26:00.003-05:00

Samantha: Well, let's just say it: you won!
Carrie: Was there a contest?
Samantha: Oh please! There's always a contest with an ex. It's called "Who will die miserable."

I am thrilled to announce my first ever contest here at The Dating Jungle! Screentours has been extremely generous and donated two tickets to their daily public Sex & the City Tour (up to an $84 value). That's right, I'm giving one of my lucky readers the opportunity to go on the Sex And The City Tour... in NYC... for FREE!

Here's your chance to follow in the footsteps of Carrie and Co. all around New York City. The sightseeing tour includes more than 40 locations from the show! As you drive by these exciting landmarks, you’ll also view clips from SATC scenes that took place right where you are. And the best part is... the gift certificate never expires!

How To Enter:
Simply leave a comment on this post stating your favorite SATC quote. The winner will be the person who creates the biggest buzz. So, the more you enter, the more chances you have to win! Leave lots of comments, Tweet it, tell your Facebook friends about it, link to it from your blog, etc. Just get the word out there!

Contest Rules:
Please be sure to leave some type of contact info (such as a profile link to your blog, email, etc.) in your comments so I can get in touch with you if you should win.

Contest Entry Dates:
March 4, 2010 - March 27, 2010

The winner will be announced on Saturday, March 21, 2010 right here at The Dating Jungle. May the best SATC fan win. Good luck!

To Text or Not To Text

2010-02-26T21:47:00.001-05:00

"I'll call you tomorrow," said the cute boy I just met. Which, in boy time, really means three to four days from now. Why do guys do that? Actually, why does everybody do that - they purposely wait a couple of days to make the initial call. Does it make you look more desirable? Does it make you look as if you're not pathetically waiting around to call that person exactly when you said you would? And who says "I'll call you tomorrow?" Never in my twenty seven years of existence, has a boy said "I'll call you tomorrow," and actually called! Everybody complains about it, but yet, everybody does it. Including me.

Since the guy never called, I texted him on Monday - he says he wants to hang out over the weekend. So, I texted him Friday - he said he wasn't going out - but wanted to have drinks with me on Saturday. Now, since I had already texted him... twice! I figured I should let him be the one to do the asking, even though I guess technically, he already did. And so, of course, Saturday rolls around, and what a surprise - I never heard from! But I'm not so innocent because I didn't text him either. Why? Because I didn't want to text him "Too many times."

Should I have texted him anyway? Or, did I do the right thing to not text him?

And does everybody think this way, or am I just a freak?

Well Happy @$&%#!! Valentine's Day

2010-02-14T06:53:00.002-05:00

Valentine's Day makes me a) want to have a boyfriend and b) write a romantic comedy which would be a hell of a lot better than the one that's out in theaters right now.

After going to a romantic comedy writing class at Universal Studios for a couple of hours, I thought what better way to end the day than to go and see Valentine's Day. Wrong!

I really, really wanted to like Valentine's Day. Really, I did! With its ensemble cast of star studded celebrities, I thought it was going to be the next He's Just Not That Into You. But it wasn't. There was way too many plot lines, way too many stars, and dialogue so predictable that my friends and I knew the lines twenty minutes before the actors actually said them. The only things I learned from this film was that a) I'm still madly in love with Ashton Kutcher b) Taylor Lautner is not good looking and c) For gods sake, it's Julia Roberts! Couldn't she have a better plot line?

If I can't have a boyfriend or a hot date, the only other thing I asked for was to at least see a good date movie and I couldn't even get that much! Le sigh.

If you haven't already seen the movie, please don't. And if you have, I'd love to hear what you thought of it. Until next year, St. Valentine. (Oh, who am I kidding, I've been saying that for the past twenty seven years. And still, nothing).

Valentine's Day

2010-02-12T02:30:00.003-05:00

If you are single, then like me, you have been in Valentine's Day hell for the past couple of weeks.

Personally, I hate Valentine's Day. Why is it that on this day, you are supposed to buy flowers, chocolates, gifts, and act super sweet for your loved one? Why on this day, are you supposed to be all romantic and lovey dovey? If you have a significant other, you should be like that everyday! No? And if you are single, then this day makes you feel even more like the single piece of shit you already feel like.

So, what does a single gal do this Valentine's Day, you ask? Why not go and see "Valentine's Day" (the movie) with your girlfriends, and then go out and get wasted. I know that's what I'll be doing!

What Was I Thinking

2010-02-02T20:17:00.000-05:00

We've all done it. Even you. Yes, you!

We've all hooked up with, or dated that person. You know, that person who, when you look back on your life, you think to yourself, what the hell was I thinking! Unfortunately, for me, I've had one too many of those. My first What Was I Thinking! began back in high school. I had the biggest crush on this guy. Let's call him S.

Believe it or not, back then, I was unbelievably shy. I was so shy, that I could barely even talk to S. And whenever I would talk to him, it was the most awkward conversation imaginable. I guess I just never knew what to say to him, and just blurted out whatever came to mind. Sometimes I said things to him like, "Why are you wearing sunglasses?" on a sunny day. Or, "Why are you wearing a belt?" One time, I even pulled a Clueless and sent myself flowers on Valentines day just to get his attention, because I didn't know what to say to him that day. And of course, he didn't even notice.

But it wasn't until June 1999 that it happened. I asked S to my senior prom. I finally worked up the courage to actually ask him. Alright, fine. I asked online. But whatever, I still asked him! After what felt like five minutes to finally answer the question, he said "When is it?" I told him. "I don't know. I think I'm going on vacation that day. Sorry," he said. Ouch!

The next day at school felt like an episode of Gossip Girl. Everybody knew that I asked him to the prom, and that he said no. People were whispering as I walked down the hall. People were staring at me. Or, at least, that's what it felt like to me. But then a very good friend of his told me that he was indeed going on vacation. That made me feel some what better about myself. But I was still disappointed. My ex boyfriend had also asked me to the prom, but I turned him down with hopes of bringing S. And obviously, by the time he turned me down, my ex already had a date.

Cut to - prom night. I ended up taking my best guy friend and had a blast. Screw S. I didn't need him. I had a better time than I ever would have had with him anyway. It probably would have been nothing but awkward conversations and wondering if he was going to kiss me all night long.

The very next day after the prom, I was driving down the boulevard with my girlfriend and she spotted him. Wait a minute, I thought he was on vacation! A-ha! He did lie. I knew it! And for that moment, that shy girl suddenly disappeared as I drove by and rolled down the window. He was with a group of his friends, and I know that they all saw me drive by. I pulled over and asked "So, how was your vacation?" What did S do? He hid behind the telephone pole. Um, seriously? Because that'll really hide a person?

After high school, I was totally over S. He was a jerk in my book, and all of my friends hated him for what he did to me. It was just an ordinary day in college, and that was when I saw S. What!? He doesn't go here. What the hell is he doing here? Well, apparently he transferred schools. To my school. No, it's not the Felicity-esque fairy tale ending you'd hope for... he just thought it was a good school.

But oddly enough, we actually became friends. Which was party due to the fact that he was close friends with my then-boyfriend. Awkward! So, unfortunately, I was forced to hang out with him all the time. Eventually, when my ex and I broke up, me and S started hanging out a lot. Back then, a close friend of mine was trying desperately to get us together because she knew that my odd obsession was back. But due to an unfortunate turn of events, this friend was actually into him as well. Which I didn't even know about until recently! The first time around, things didn't work out with S. I guess it was just one of those things that wasn't meant to be. And never in my life did I see such terrible timing, year after year, after year! So, I gave up. But things didn't end there.

After I realized what this so-called friend of mine was up to, I filled S in on the rest. And what do you know, me and S finally got together. I know, so very 90210 of us. It only lasted a short time. But for that time, I was the happiest girl in the world. After crushing so hard on someone for so long, I can't even tell you how good it felt to finally be together.

But everything must come to an end. Things ended poorly with S. Eventually, he chose the other girl over me. And I finally called it quits with S. For a couple of years after college, I actually didn't see him for quite some time. But on one rainy day in New York City, I was at a happy hour and bumped into some old high school friends, and there he was! Of course, we didn't speak. But I still got a kick out of bumping into him. Because, well I don't know about you, but I just love bumping into ex's and showing off that everything is just grand. It drives the boys wild!

The One That Got Away

2010-01-30T00:23:00.004-05:00

When I used to work in Manhattan, every single day on the train, there was this guy who always sat just a few seats away from me. And once we would get off the train, we would both walk the exact same direction to work. Exactly ten blocks after Penn Station, he would go right, and I would go left. This was our daily routine for about a month.

But it was one fateful day, that we both literally walked the entire 10 block radius, right next to each other, all the way to Penn Station. Once we finally got on the train, it was inevitable that we would start talking. "Hey, I see you on the train everyday," said the guy. And that was that. From there on out, we were inseparable for a couple of months, and shared a whole lot of other strange similarities. We not only worked one block away from each other in New York City (where eight million people live and work), but we also lived extremely close to each other in Long Island as well (he was just one stop after me on the train). He was an artist (so am I), he too lived at home and his grandmother just moved into the house (just like me), he was Ukranian (as am I), and - get this - he lived on the same street that I did! Just a couple of towns away. It was like a romantic comedy taking place on the Long Island Railroad.

I really, really liked this guy. So, of course, I wanted him to meet all of my friends. It was the night of his birthday party. He shared his birthday with a couple of his buddies, so they had a huge celebration. Heck, they even closed an entire floor of a bar in New York City! So, being the cool chick that I am, I invited all of my girlfriends, thinking it would keep me busy, keep me away from clinging onto him, and let him have his space to enjoy his party. Right?

Wrong! He was annoyed. So annoyed, that kept saying things like “Where have you been all night,” and “Well, if you didn’t bring your entourage with you...” etc. Here, I thought I was being an awesome girlfriend and giving him his "Space" but clearly, I was wrong. I was dancing with my girlfriends, when all of a sudden, one of my friends covered her mouth. “Uh, Jen, I think you should turn around,” she said. And I saw by the look on her face, I was going to be single... very, very soon.

There he was. My guy. Making out with some other chick! Our eyes met. And then continued to kiss her! What!!!!????

I was humiliated. Speechless! Every single one of my girlfriends were there to meet my new guy, and THIS happens! I even had one of my best friends there with me. My friend since I was about five years old. I had to pathetically turn to her and say "Please, don't tell your mom. Because then, she's going to tell my mom."

But at that point, I was so angry, so annoyed, so embarrassed, so... ugh! That instead of leaving all together, I just continued dancing. I know... it probably sounds like a Seinfeld episode, but I really did have a good time. I guess I realized what a piece of crap he was. And it was such a shame, too. We were so good together. All of his friends loved me. And when I told them what he did, they just said he was an idiot and I'd get over it. As I was about to leave he stopped me and asked what was the matter. I didn’t answer. I just left.

Days went by and I didn’t hear from him. The nerve of this guy. HE makes out with someone else right in front of my face, and then doesn't even have the decency to at least call! Finally, I did what I had to do. I deleted him from Facebook. A day later he texted me and asked why I deleted him. As if he didn't know! I told him why I was angry and he responded, “I did that? I don’t remember!” He claims he was wasted and really had no idea of what happened that night.

For days, he called, texted, emailed me that he was sorry. He stalked me on AIM trying to see me. But I just wouldn't have it. It was over. Oddly enough, I never saw him on the train again. Maybe he started taking a different train. Or maybe it just really wasn't meant to be. But sometimes I think about him and wonder what would have happened, if he didn't act like an idiot that night.

2010-01-29T00:04:00.002-05:00

Why is it that every guy I date or have a relationship with always ask the same old question... "Why haven't you blogged about me yet?"

To be honest, I thought that I was doing them a favor by not revealing every little detail about our relationship. Because, well, quite frankly, they probably sucked! But now that I'm in Hollyweird, I seem to be getting asked the question a whole lot more. Probably because everybody here is a fame whore, and think that by me writing about them will give them some sort of opportunity if I was to ever write a book, TV show or movie.

So to answer the question... FINE! I will blog about you. All of you!!

Stay tuned. It's going to be juicy!

2010-01-26T14:08:00.003-05:00

Later that night, I got to thinking about men, and women and relationships. Or more to the point, how women feel men disappoint them in relationships. Then a radical, almost earth-shattering thought popped into my head. What if everything isn’t the man’s fault? After a certain age, and a certain number of relationships; if it still isn’t working and the ex’s seem to be moving on and we don’t, perhaps the problem isn’t the last boyfriend, or the one before him, or even the one before him! Could it be, that the problem isn’t them, but horror of horrors - is it us? - Carrie, Sex and the City

I Just Haven't Met You Yet

2010-01-07T21:34:00.003-05:00

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid, That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet -
Michael Buble

Sitting on the plane, on my way back to LA, I was listening to Michael Buble's new song I Just Haven't Met You Yet on my ipod as I daydreamed about my prince charming and who he might be. I took my earphones out. "Hey, random, but remember when we were little, and we used to talk about what kind of wedding we wanted?" I said, as I had my head tilted a little bit towards the window on the airplane, gazing outside into the sunny sky. "My ear hurts! Why does my ear hurt so much? Ahhh, I'm in so much pain!" said my girlfriend, tugging on her ear. "Did you hear anything I just said?" "Yeah, who cares? We're not getting married, so what's the difference" she replied. "Well, we will eventually... right?" And then my girlfriend sarcastically replied "Uh huh."

For as long as I can remember, I've always known what type of guy I wanted to date. Somebody who...

is smart and down to earth

is passionate and has goals in life

has hobbies and friends and not the "Girlfriend Guy"

wears his heart on his sleeve, even if he acts like a hard ass sometimes

is as silly as me and can laugh about life, but also know when to be serious

is off beat, eccentric, quirky and possibly even a weirdo

is spontaneous, because I love not knowing what's going to happen next

is well rounded in the arts and doesn't think that going to a play is gay

likes to travel, and thinks that the world is too small to live in just one place your entire life

is creative and thoughtful enough to make me a present instead of buying me something like, just a watch

is able to put up with my mother eventually, because, well, we all know what that's like

and most importantly, somebody who can make me laugh

So for now, I'll just sit and wonder where you are, and if you even exist. And if you do, then I guess I just haven't met you yet. Yes, that's what I'll keep telling myself ;)

2009, Good Riddance!

2009-12-29T13:33:00.004-05:00

Is it just me, or has this year totally sucked? The economy collapsed, lots of people lost their jobs, and way, way too people have died.

Unfortunately, this year the new Hollywood trend seemed to be dying. All in one year, we lost all the greats - Michael Jackson, Patrick Swayze, Ted Kennedy, Bea Arthur, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays, DJ AM, Brittany Murphy, Natasha Richardson, Les Paul, John Travolta's son Jett, Walter Cronkite, and John Hughes. And for me, personally, I lost my aunt when she unexpectedly passed away from pneumonia, and I recently had to put my dog to sleep after seventeen amazing years.

But on to better news, I moved across the country to land a job at one of my favorite TV shows of all time. I also finished a spec for Curb Your Enthusiasm, which was a semi-finalist for Scriptapalooza but rejected from every other fellowship (including a rejection letter appropriately titled "Walt Disney's Rejection Letter"), finished a second draft of my sitcom pilot, became a playwright, worked out a couple of solid ideas along with my writing partner, Ellen (not DeGeneres), and also started blogging for askmattandtamsen.com

So, my new years resolution? Just keep on writing. To everybody out there who has a dream - don't just sit there. Things don't just "Happen" to you. You have to go out there and make your own dreams come true. Life works is crazy messed up ways. You never know when your luck will strike - good or bad.

So cheers to a new year! And please, nobody die, ok?

Christmas in New York

2009-12-24T20:59:00.004-05:00

There's nothing like being in New York on Christmas. And if you're lucky enough to call New York home, then you know what I'm talking about. I want to wish everyone a very happy holiday!

xoxo,
The Dating Jungle

One Year Later...

2009-12-23T12:27:00.006-05:00

It was only 8:07am as I ran around the studio, frantically trying to gather all of my research for my segment for the live show. I only had about an hour, so I knew that I had to haul ass. But today was no different. It was just your ordinary day at a TV Talk Show, right before show time. I was on the computer in the production office when one of the supervising producers came in to tell me that the executive producer wanted to see me... in his office. Gulp!

OK - This could mean either one of two things: I'm either getting promoted or I'm getting fired. Since I just got promoted, then most likely I'm getting fired. Wait, what? I can't get fired. There's no way in hell I would get fired. Everybody loves me here!

And so I ran across the street to the offices. My mind was racing as I maneuvered my way through traffic on a very busy New York City street. When I finally got to the office there was a couple of people sitting at a long table. I sat down, and nobody looked happy. And that was when they told me those few little words that nobody ever wants to hear. I was laid off.

Seriously?

Yes, seriously. Last year on this day, to be exact. After I was let go, I went back to my office, slammed the door and just cried. This is what I get for working fifteen hour days, five days a week and never, ever complaining? This is what I get for doing other people's work and not even taking any credit for it? This is what I get for almost getting hit by cars multiple times from doing runs, getting carpel tunnel from stapling scripts, and feeling as if my ass is about to explode from being stressed all the time? This is what I get for being my bosses common sense?

"Hey Jen, can you turn on my TV and make it look like I'm in my office?"

"I'm running out for a while, so can you write our segment? Thanks. Oh, and if people ask where I am, just say I'm in the bathroom."

"Oh really, you want to be a writer? Why don't you write my segment for me? It'll just be our little secret."

"I'm still drunk from thirsty thursday, can you start my script for me?"

OK, I know that I was laid off and not fired, but of course you can't help but wonder, why me? A couple of minutes later, my team and everyone else in the studio was wondering where I was and why I never came back to rehearse my segment. So as soon as I started telling people, we all just started to cry.

Soon after, we came to realize that it wasn't only me, there was many others who were let go as well. It was miserable. Awful. People were crying because they lost there jobs. People were crying because they lost not only their co-workers, but their friends. And people were crying because they probably thought that they were the next to go, but pretending to cry for others so that they don't look like idiots.

I was absolutely devastated. Is this really it? The last four years of my life were completely over, just like that? I mean, my co-workers were practically my family. I started as the receptionist and worked my way up to associate producer in a very short time. I grew up at this place. This was my life.

But that' the nature of the business. It's television. You come, you go, and usually nobody really seems to care. But this environment was different. I've met some of my best friends at this place. And I was lucky enough that this was the first job that I ever had.

Packing up my office was probably one of the hardest things I had to do. People came in and out giving their condolences, telling me how they are going to find me another job, etc. But it was one person who made the biggest impact. "I know that this is terrible. You're probably thinking that this is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. But six months from now, maybe even one year from now, you're going to look back, and this is all going to be a blessing in disguise. You're going to be thankful that this happened!"

At the time, I wanted her to shut the hell up. But she was absolutely right. And six months later, who knew that we would be at one of my best friend's apartment, making a farewell toast before I moved out to Los Angeles to pursue what it is that I'm really after, to be a TV writer. I told her how powerful those words meant to me. I thought about those words almost everyday after I lost my job. Because deep down inside, I knew that all of this happened for a reason.

So as I sit on the airplane coming home for the holidays from LA to NYC, I can't help but get a little teary eyed. Because exactly one year later, there's no where else I'd rather be.

Only The Good Die Young

2009-12-21T17:12:00.005-05:00

I awoke Sunday morning to hear the incredibly sad news that actress Brittany Murphy had suddenly passed away at only 32 years old. And I can't help but feel as if one of my old high school friends had died. I grew up on Brittany Murphy movies (Clueless) and TV shows (she guest starred on Sister, Sister and Blossom). She was an amazing talent, brilliant with comedy, and had a great singing voice as well.

She will be missed. Hollywood has lost way too many people this year.

You and Me Could Write a Bad (Fake) Romance

2009-12-18T22:45:00.007-05:00

Everybody loves a good love story. And everybody wants their own love story to to be as magical as only a movie would call for. We’ve been brought up to believe we will meet our soul mate and live happily ever after. We are brainwashed into unrealistic expectations and then we suffer the consequences when our lives don’t live up to the myth. Whether it's being best friends and falling in love, meeting on the train, or bumping into each other by complete accident in a park, everyone desperately wants fate to run it's course to find their one and only. Including me.

Almost about a year ago, I met this guy on the internet. I know, I know. You're probably laughing at me thinking that I'm a loser. No, I don't meet people from the internet very often. I actually don't meet people from the internet at all. Not once. Not ever. I'm not on JDate, Match or EHarmony. I make fun of my friends who are on it. (Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just get creeped out very easily). I met this guy on the internet simply from the good ol' blogosphere. And who knew that months later, we would still be good friends.

I've suddenly found myself glued to my computer, staying up until the wee hours of the night chatting with him. And I truly enjoyed every word that he had to say. He seemed so real. So genuine. So honest. And unlike any other guy I've known in a long time, he seemed... nice! We've never spoken on the phone, never talked face to face via Skype, and obviously, never met in person. I never really pushed the issue. Because maybe, I enjoyed daydreaming about my fairy tale romance that was purely in my head. And I truly believed that if we were meant to be, we would meet somewhere. Somewhere unexpected...

A couple of weeks ago my best friend and I were at a party when we spotted this guy who looked incredibly familiar. But since we live in Hollywood, we figured we've seen him in movies or on TV before, and thought that we would just google him when we got home. But the entire night, I was haunted. He seemed strangely familiar to me and I couldn't figure out why.

Later on that night, him and my best friend seemed to have hit it off and the very next day they were Facebook friends. When she looked through his photos, she started screaming. I mean, like, a horror movie scream. I went into her room to see what was the matter, and there it was... the evidence! We did indeed know this guy. Well, I knew him. I knew him very, very well. Not from a movie. Not from a television show. But I did recognize that photo. It was blogger guys photo!

Cue: creepy music.
Wait a minute. Hold on. Rewind!
Is this guy that my friend met actually blogger guy? Or has blogger guy stolen some stranger's pretty picture?

I felt sick, humored, humiliated. Who is blogger guy? Who have I been talking to almost every day for the past year!? That is the million dollar question that I've been asking myself over and over. "Who is this hottie leaving you comments and blowing up your Facebook wall?" Friends and family alike would ask. "Oh, he's just blogger guy" I would respond, almost ashamed of my self as to even having such a friendship.

So, back to the situation (no jersey shore pun intended) - my friend called the party guy up and explained everything. And I wasn't a bit surprised. No, this guy isn't a writer. Nor is he a blogger. Apparently blogger guy isn't really who he says he is and has stolen this stranger's photo to presume his identity as prince charming in disguise as a twenty year old blogger!

I don't know if I should be scared, upset or just simply amused. This is the reason why I'm a writer. In my wildest dreams, I wouldn't have even been able to come with an ending like this! People meet strangers on the internet all the time, why would something like this happen to me? What are the chances of this happening?

My friend is now very good friends with party guy so I know it's not some kind of evil joke/conspiracy theory. But I still don't know who blogger guy really is. And I may not ever know. So for now, I have to come to the conclusion that my fairy tale of the twenty first century didn't end happily ever after.

Le sigh.

Blogger Awards!

2009-12-16T01:13:00.003-05:00

I won an award! Yes, that's right, yours truly actually won something!

"They love me, they really love me!"

Much love & thanks to The lovely Lust for Life: Tales of Sex and Serial Dating for giving it to me!

Now, here's the award rules: Copy the award image in your post. Then, list 10 things that make you happy, try to do at least one of them today, and tag 10 bloggers that brighten your day. For those 10 bloggers who get the award, you must link back to my blog! :)

10 things that make me happy:

1. Writing. It's who I am. If I didn't write, I would be completely and utterly insane.

2. My friends & family. They are crazy, yes. But they give me inspiration in ways that they will never know.

3. Tina Fey. She is everything that I want to be. And when her fifteen minutes are up, that's when mine will start. It's a dealbreaker ladies!

4. Two words. Las Vegas. Nuff' said.

5. Laughing

6. Lazy Sundays. There's nothing better then doing absolutely nothing after a night out of partying

7. LOST

8. NYC pizza and bagels

9. Playing pranks on people

10. Dressing up for Halloween

Now for the 10 bloggers that I love...

The Houlywood Reporter

Date Girl

Midtown Girl

She is Anyway

Matchmaker in the Know

Better Late Than Never

Pinknic's Planet

Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old

Crazy Little World of Mine

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

A Tale of Two Cities

2009-12-10T17:24:00.004-05:00

It's no surprise that if you're in you're a recent college grad, in your mid twenties, or simply just have a dream, you usually migrate to either one of two cities: New York or Los Angeles. Both cities are amazing in their own right - Los Angeles being the entertainment capital, and New York, well, pretty much being the capital of basically everything. But no matter what your lifestyle or dream may be, you could most probably find solace in either of these diverse cities.

Like so many fair-weather fans before me, I gave in. I did the worst thing a New Yorker could do. I moved to Los Angeles. They city of dreams. The city of narcissism. But why, you ask? Well, I, like everybody else here in the city of dreams, believe that I will make it. And in the process, I can't help but take notice of the vast differences between the two...

In Los Angeles, people...

are always so busy, yet nobody works

move to LA with nothing, and gain everything. Or so they think!

are eternal optimists and believe that they are the next big thing

can be introduced to you 100 times and still cannot remember your name

wear different colors.

try to be original.

are only friends with you if you are successful

are afraid of bad weather.

go to rehab

are self absorbed

think that they are on Entourage

In New York, people...

work, yet still have free time.

move to NYC with their parents money

are pessimistic and always negative

always wear black

ARE original.

are only friends with you if you are cool

may or may not be nice, but they are real, and most likely you could find a friend or two

think that the worst is always about to happen.

enjoy cloudy, rainy days.

Have ADD

think they are on Sex And The City

My Hanukkah Song

2009-12-09T22:11:00.001-05:00

Put on your yarmulke, it's time for Hanukkah
So much fun-akkah, to celebrate Hanukkah.

Hanukkah is the Festival of Lights.
One day of presents? Hell no, we get eight crazy nights.

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree, Here's MY list of people who are Jewish, just like you and me...

Shia Lebeouf lights the menorah
So does Scarlett Johansson and no she's not a hor-a
Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
90210's Ian Ziering, Brian Austin Green and Tory Spelling

Gene Simmons is Jewish, Amy Winehouse is too
Put them together - what a crazy bad ass Jew!
You don't need a visit from Scrooge or Santa Claus
Cause' you can eat challah with Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal - both Jewish!

Put on your yarmulka, Its time for Hanukkah
Funny film maker Judd Apatowaka, celebrates Hanukkah

Barack Obama - not a Jew!
But guess who is - American Idol's Paula Abdul
We got Larry David, and Composer Marc Shaiman
Sarah Silverman is Jewish, even though she fucked Matt Damon - Not Jewish!

Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen eat gefilte fish
then spin the dreidel with Harry Potter's Daniel Radcliffe
So many Jews are in show biz
Vince Chase isn't but I heard his agent is - Ari Gold!

Hey, Madonnika?
It's time to celebrate Hanukkah
Get off your Kabbalakah
On this joyful, toyful Hanukkah

If you really, really wannaka?
Get high in Cali-forni-cah
If you really, really wanna-kah, have a happy, happy, happy, happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah!

Happy Hanukkah!

THE BLOGGER PLAYS: The Adventure Begins!

2009-12-07T00:15:00.004-05:00

Effable Arts has gone out and searched the web to find NINE new and exciting writers to give us NINE new short plays!

Why am I writing about this, you ask? Because I am one of the bloggers!!!

Yes, that's right. New York is calling me back one more time, and in a very good way. I've extended my holiday stay to participate in this awesome theater project with eight other brilliant bloggers. My twelve page play has already been written and stamped with approval and I cannot even tell you how excited I am to watch something that I wrote, come to life. Just to give you a little hint, it was based on one of my recent blog posts, titled "All My Friends Are Getting Married, And I'm Still Getting Drunk."

THE BLOGGER PLAYS will be having it's first (and very informal) reading this Wednesday, December 9th. It will be at the official bar of Effable Arts - Bar One And One at 7pm. We will be asking actors and potential directors to come, read, comment, and help our writers in the next steps to getting these bad-ass scripts ready for the stage. We hope to see you all there!

WHAT: The Blogger Play - First Reading
WHERE: One And One - Nexus Lounge (Basement) in NYC
WHEN: Wednesday, December 9th, 7PM

I would just like to say a HUGE thank you to Effable Arts and the eight other bloggers involved. I cannot wait to see our masterpiece. And most importantly, I cannot wait to meet all of you!

Goodbye, Princess

2009-12-05T18:39:00.005-05:00

Ever since I came home to New York for the holidays, my dog Princess hasn’t been feeling well. She has arthritis, she’s blind in one eye, she could barely walk let alone stand up, and her kidneys started failing. A couple of nights ago, I heard her barking. But there wasn’t really anything coming out. I ran to the kitchen, and she was just laying there, trying to get up, but couldn’t because she was too weak. It was the saddest thing I have ever seen. I laid down next to her to try and comfort her, but that didn’t matter. She was still in pain. And her eyes looked incredibly sad.

The next day we brought her to the hospital where she was hooked up to an IV for a couple of days and seems to be doing better. She was eating and drinking, but that’s only because she was getting fluids. If we were to bring her home she would only get worse again, and most likely wouldn’t last more than a couple of days. My family and I were going back and fourth for days. We were so torn - should we take her home only to see her suffer, or should we put her to sleep? It was a huge decision. Especially since she appeared to be OK in the hospital. But in the long run, it wasn’t fair to let her suffer. After all, she was seventeen years old. Which, in human years, is like.. well I don’t know how old, but it’s really old! I don’t do math OK. So today we put her to rest. Did you ever have to put a pet to sleep? If so, then you would know that it’s one of the hardest things you’d ever have to do. And if you haven’t, then you’re really lucky. One minute she was licking my face, and then the vet took her in the back, and when he came out, she was gone. It’s just all very strange to me.

So for now, we could only remember the best of times with her. She was so beautiful and good natured. Whenever I would take her out with me, I would get stopped by everybody, and little kids always wanted to pet “Lassie.” She was smart and sometimes I actually felt as if she were a real person. One time, my other dog, Amber, somehow got locked outside in the backyard, and nobody realized that she was gone. So Princess stood by the back door, barking until somebody went out back to find her and rescue her. She did things like that a lot. And now that she’s gone, Amber seems lost and constantly looks for her. She even sits where Princess’s water bowl once was, as if she’s waiting for her to come back.

Luckily, I’m still in New York for an extended holiday stay. So I’m thankful that I was here when she was laid to rest. Everything happens for a reason. And I was just happy to spend every last moment with her.

Shit My Jewish Mom Does

2009-12-02T21:23:00.001-05:00

CBS just bought the rights to develop the popular Twitter page titled "Shit My Dad Says," created by 29 year old Justin Halpern who basically quotes the shit his 73 year old dad says. Clever? Apparently. The kid has almost 900,000 followers! Oh, and he has a book deal, too.

It really makes you wonder what these TV executives, agents, producers, etc. look for on the internet in order to get the next best thing. Or are they just all out of ideas?

How about "Shit My Jewish Mom Does?" Here's some shit my Jewish mom did today..

After coming home from a late night out, I went into my room in the basement, locked my door and passed out. In the morning, when my mom tried to come into my room, for reasons unknown, obviously she couldn't because the door was locked. After many unsuccessful attempts at trying to break in, she went around the house to the basement entrance and opened the door. Fast asleep, I had a mild stroke as I awoke to hear keys jiggling and somebody pounding on the door. When I turned around to see who it was, there she was..

Janis: Oh, OK.
Me: Maaaa! What the fuck? You gave me a fucking heart attack!
Janis: Well, your door was locked. I couldn't get in!
Me: What the hell do you need to get in here for?
Janis: (Thinking of something to say) What do you want for dinner tonight?
Me: I don't know. It's nine in the morning. I didn't even wake up yet!
Janis: I need to know. You want some chicken? How about chicken?
Me: I don't want chicken!
Janis: What do you want then? I'm not running a restaurant, you know!

The Crack of the Whip Says...

2009-11-30T14:42:00.003-05:00

Why do girls who have boyfriends feel the need to tell them to stop talking to ex girlfriends or even girl friends?

This is the second time this has happened to me with in the past year! First, my best guy friend stopped talking to me as soon as he got serious with his girlfriend. I still don’t even really know why. We never dated. Never hooked up. Never had any romantic connection what so ever. And he always lied to his girlfriend whenever we hung out.

And now my other best guy friend, who I actually once dated in the past when we were teenagers but is now my best friend, has to stop talking to me because his girlfriend doesn’t think it’s right for him to still talk to his ex’s.

Um, hello - We were teenagers. That shouldn’t even count!

And this is yet another reason why I really don’t mind being single!

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

2009-11-29T22:34:00.002-05:00

I have all different types of friends. I have friends that are acquaintances that I go out and party with. I have good friends that I’ve known for as long as I can remember. And I have best friends that I just couldn’t live without and would be there for me no matter what. For some reason, none of them get along. And last night was one of those rare nights when they were all together.. at the same place!

Growing up, I always had two best friends. One of them would always live near me who was always my partner in crime, and one of them would always live somewhere far away, but would be the one that I would always tell everything to. And whenever I would have a birthday party and invite my two best friends, they never got along. They hated one another and I was always stuck in the middle. And growing up, best friends came and went like the friends I have in Hollywood. They love you one day, and disappear the next. And then every time I would make new friends, they would never get along with my old friends. And so on. This would be an issue for years to come. And to this day, it still is.

You see, my friend John’s birthday is Thanksgiving weekend. And every year I make the silly mistake of inviting all of my friends to come and party, never thinking that all of my friends would actually show up. In the same place. At the same time.

“That’ll be $8.50,” said the cab driver, as we pulled up to the bar. “Oh, you got this Eileen? Thanks!” said EJ sarcastically, as he jumps out of the cab. “What! Why would I pay for the cab?” said Eileen, whining. “Well, you didn’t want to walk here, so you should pay for it,” EJ replied as Eileen continued to whine “It was ten blocks away from where we were! What the hell, EJ, I’m not paying for this!” “Hey, you get this, I’ll get us a round of waters in the bar and we’ll call it even,” said EJ. And so Eileen paid for the cab ride and we all went into the bar. No, EJ didn’t get Eileen water. She got it herself. And obviously, it was free.

In one corner, there was my girlfriends (picture Blair Waldorf and Co. a la Gossip Girl) and in the other corner - there was my guy friends (think Ted, Barney and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother) - my friend John who’s birthday it was (think Drama and the rest of his Entourage) - and then I had one of my best friends since I was a little girl (imagine Phoebe from Friends). And then there was me.

Yes, I was more than happy that all of my friends all came out for me, but at the same time, it was exhausting! Always getting pulled in one direction and then getting pulled into the other. “Jen, let’s do shots!”… “Jen, no let’s go to the bathroom”… “Jen, come on let’s go outside I have to tell you something”… “Jen, no come with me!”…”Jen, why would you invite them, you know I don’t like them!”… “Jen, I wanna punch your best friend in the face!”

Yes, this is my life. But come on, if everyone were normal, life would be boring. And what fun would that be?